Being What I Always Wanted To Be.....

I remember a time when knowledge was fun for me. Being intelligent was my idea of boasting. Falling sick for a day made me sicker when I realized that I won't be allowed to go to school today. When 'Library hour' was actually 'Library hour' and when time was packed! And now...knowledge gaining is just about what is required. It becomes a liability to be aware about things. Life is too busy to enjoy music, watch movies or if nothing...just lay idle. I can't compare the phases. Because the scenario is too difficult to recreate. But then...something has changed. Something has either upgraded/downgraded. But there has definitely been a change. At times, I wonder if this all means that I have changed. I do not realize when my habits overpower my persona...and ... I am swapped! All I feel is that small things create big differences at times. Differences which should not differ us from the last time we understood ourselves. Rest of the life is just awesome! :...

"Running away is not a solution"... I always knew that. Hence I moved on. In the beginning it was like I thought that I had moved on. Then gradually, I was told that I have definitely moved on. Eventually, I absorbed that Yes ...I have moved on. But I believe its a relative term. And erasing doesn't really describe it contrary to the expectations. I have what I deserved. And I feel content with it. But the idea of "What if"  always allures me. My well-wishers doesn't really appreciate my "greedy" notion but sometimes it just keeps me going. You never know what you really desired...what you actually wanted till the time you have lived a life over it. That doesn't mean that you got stuck somewhere. Its just that it was always a kind of trail. An invisible one. I know I am sounding mysterious. But believe me...thats not the intention at all. It is how I am feeling. And its how I am able to express. Is that a crime? 

We often ignore the small assets of life. True but we ignore the truth too. A call from a long-lost friend... A long mail after a long time... A friend teasing you over someone... A totally unexpected surprise from someone who cares for you just too much... ..... There are just so many of them! But we all forget all this and remember the big things A promotion missed to get... A fight with the parents... A t-shirt for which there was not enough money in pockets... And what not??? Thats lame! But thats how we react. Thats how I react most of the times. But life is beautiful. And its beautiful in its own way. Don't search the beauty in the obvious things. Because thats obvious that you are not gonna find it there. A step you take towards life, another step life takes towards you. But what people generally want is to just hang there and wait for life to move on. Thats not gonna happen. And that should not happen as well. You have to smile to get a smile back. Y...

People have their own techniques of handling frustrations. I have three- 1. Be alone and cry for a while ( I call it tears for rage) 2. Mess everything up ( which doesn't actually help much) 3. Take that frustration out on somebody else. Now the third method is the most unfair one, but it satisfies me to the core. It vents out everything. Everything which was clotted and everything which could have clotted. But sometimes, I don't get a victim to face it. And I feel so helpless...so handicapped! I remember a scene in this movie I saw lately Guzaarish . There is a scene where Hrithik (being a total handicap) was lying on bed and was highly frustrated over something. There was a vase kept on a table in front of his bed and he wanted to smash it down to the floor. Just to vent out..! He asks Aishwarya to do that for him. But she refuses. Gosh...that helplessness!!!! I could feel the same at so many moments of my life! I just want to smash that vase so hard....but I am so c...

I used to think once that compromise is a complicated word. Dislikes sometimes re-word as compromise. Attitude hides behind compromise. And above all... Adjustment is a big-time synonym of compromise. But no! When you think alone...when you define in a multi-dimensional parameter...compromise is much bigger than all these. Its not just an adjustment or a discomfort or a mere deviation. Its killing your instincts and living someone else's life. A life where you say what the other person wants to hear. A routine where you convince yourself to do what you are doing. Its also assumed that when someone else is doing it for you...its adjustment or a minor change for his/her own good. But when its you...it becomes a sacrifice! Does it? I believe if you are not habitual of lying to yourself...if you know that person who you see daily in the mirror...you would know. You would know whats happening. No matter what people say or claim. You know it inside. Its just that everytime it...

Reality hits real hard...ohh yes it does! Its like a full size mirror being smashed to the floor and broken into millions of pieces. You can't even see through them. Same happens when relationships meet fantasies. When friendship meets promises. When expectations meet truth. We live in a real world...ohh no...wait a minute! We BELIEVE that we live in a real world. But the truth is that even a glimpse of reality is hard to live. We live in comfort-zones. We live in fantasy. We live in coziness. We live in everything but reality. You meet someone. He looks sensible enough. And then you expect him to be always-sensible and righteous. You become friends with someone. He stands with you in a couple of bad times. And then you can't tolerate if he pointed out your mistake some day. And .... smasshhhh..! There it goes! There goes all the reality. Right beneath your thumping feet. Goshhhh....true..! True that realities are damn real...! But I just wish they weren't! sigh....

What an awesome day it was...aaaahhhh!!! :))))) Someone said it right... a great day compensates a bad week. For me...it has happened so many times that when I am bugged up, disappointed, fed up and just on the verge of giving up, something amazing happens! Something that recharges me...gives me energy to fight back with smile on my face. Something that helps me to go on with happy leaps and hip hip hurrays !!! And then I see those who loved to see me cry...getting me irritated and spoiling my mood. Guess what do I find out..? On my every happy leap...they are limping with pain and agony! Can you guess what that feeling is called....??.. no..?? ...It is.."Legen.."...wait for it..."daryyy"..!!! :))))) Yes its true that we should be happy for our victories and not others' failures... but if their failure means "no more tears" and "no more frowns" on my face..then why shouldn't I be happy? If someone's happiness is in my agony...