DAY 173 (Life = Maze)

Life has made me lost my way "n" number of times. And every-time I could find a way out to the maze. No matter how much time it took me to solve the puzzle but I did make through. That confidence has kept me going since then.

Sometimes I wonder how is it possible to be so many different paths to the same life. Or is it my hallucination? But no hallucinations and no disguises...life is right there..naked in front of you. The only challenge is to get to it...nothing more and nothing less.

What..?
Why..?
When..?
Is it..?
Can it..?
..
All these are very obvious questions. I have seen people getting scared at the mere thought of these questions popping up in their mind. But there is nothing to fear till this. The fear actually should arrive when there pops up a "what to a what" or a "why to a why".

Then is when you went deeper into the mess. That is when you might get screwed. But then again for every level down there is always a level up.

All you have to do is to lead your own way.

PS- Trespassing not allowed! :-)

DAY 172 (No way out...!)

There are times when I get too itchy to know the truth. No matter even if I know that it is gonna hurt me...it might keep me thinking...but still the thought doesn't let me sleep till I settle down with an answer. Now thats a different fact that the answer makes me insomniac.

Sometimes it gets too important to know where are you going? Is it making any difference? Has it changed anything? Does it matter to the other person with the same intensity? Have you been able to express yourself? Does the other person realises your love...your commitment towards him/her?

And then when you gather the courage to take a stand to know....and finally get the answer....this blogpost happens!

I have always been an over-thinking kind of species. Someone who likes to see the nano-particles of the object too. Someone who goes in the nth dimension possible so that it is ensured that nothing is missed...nothing which could have been the {pessimistic} case.

Either there should be just "anxiety to know" or "leaving it as it is whatever might be the answer".

For a complex person like me...it is always "both". Initially I need to know and then I wish if I wouldn't have asked.

Sometimes its just a few sleepless nights...sometimes it gets to my nerves to improvise...to get it right...to get the way it should be.

I hope I find a way out...coz tranquilizers need a prescription these days!

DAY 171 (Just an attempt ...)

Time grows a lot of things inside you. Submissiveness is one of them. For me, it has grown in abnormal counts. I am a normal person of innumerable and serious incapabilities. I like to be dependent and often the dependence disappoints me. I feel good to be loved...bad to be hated. My love for some very special people of my life is unconditional. I expect a lot and accept the fact the least number of times. I cry...I get disappointed...I fail...I succeed...I seek happiness...and I await a good day everyday.
That all gift-wraps me into a common person's box. But still...I like to be considered outstanding.

I know days are never the same...neither are the moods. I know there is a thing called impulse. And I know that I am bad at handling it. Today I am just in the mood of being a part of all my flaws. Being with my drawbacks and giving myself a shoulder when everyone else's needs an explanation longer than this blogpost.

There is not a single person in the entire universe who is 100% synced to another one. But everyone wants that tuning.
There is no such day of all the days of one's lifetime when you haven't done anything wrong. But everyone falls short of the imperfect moments when it comes to confession.

Its not "the big confession day" for me either. But yes...there is one thing which I know....
Till the time I am with myself...I am alive, breathing, surviving, living...

DAY 170 (Crazy Days...)

I hate it when I become a mystery to myself. Its so irritating to be unpredictable. You just never know whats gonna happen in the next second. How are you going to react to a simple gesture or a major incident?

But when I try to rethink on it after few hours or maybe few days...I find out that there is always a reason behind such unknowing days. Reasons which are there in your unconscious mind but you are just not bothered to deal with it. And when you want to give them attention...they are lost in the web of your thoughts and you become a mystery to yourself.

It might be anything...missing someone, getting an unexpected reaction from a close friend, failing in something you thought you would be able to do, just a bad weather....it really can be anything!

And ignoring it as soon as it pops up in your mind results in this-
You go crazy unreasonably.

And its even more irritating when people around you start behaving even more mysteriously. You are in a foul mood...they give you a worse one of theirs.

And then you really wanna run out of everyone's sight.

Sometimes I think...is man really a social animal???
Probably HE is...
But women...
Women are surely not.. :P

DAY 169 (Virtue vs character)

People weigh a lot. There own weight might drop by few pounds in between....but they don't care! Being judgmental is just their "thing".

So that forces the person being judged to get a chance of self-rating. And I got a similar chance. No matter what gets approved further...but here is my "thing"...
I believe that
Possessiveness is just a virtue. Obsession becomes the character. What itches me is to GPS myself in between!

Its okay to feel bad not to be attended. Its okay to wish to get back what you desired to give. Its okay to be uneasy not to be in the tick-tock of the clock.

What gets judged is the reaction to these actions. But then its also okay not to like the judgment or the "judges".

Its just okay to be you and accepting yourself your own way.

Intrusion is just injurious to health.  

DAY 168 (I am my own boss..!!!)

Has it ever happened to you that when you are told to do something, you get an urge of not doing it irrespective of the fact that probably you were thinking of doing it in the first place?

Well...that was confusing ...right?

But on a serious front, I don't know how many of you have faced this weird crazy attitude inside yourself that you say no the moment you are told to say yes for something. It doesn't matter at that moment what you actually wished for. What you thought was supposed to be done. Whether you wanted to do it in the first hand or not. But its just the obsession of saying NO at that moment.

For me, I never like being told! I prefer doing things anonymously and wanna save the trouble of getting any feedback over it. Probably it is because I do things from my heart. And for me they are done the best way they could have been done. And I don't like to send it for scrutiny for further examination.

Be it anything. Doing a minor household work or a major office task. Its just like I want to be my owner..my boss. If I ask myself to do something, then only my brain will function for it. Its like a voice encryption code attached to it. No one can "proxy" that.

Its probably a negative habit. A wrong attitude.

But... thats me! :-)

DAY 167 (Going with the flow...!)

Like everyone else...sometimes I also screw up! :(

And then when I get to know what I have done...it becomes too late. But now I believe that its never "too late". Every stupidity has a solution. And every question has an answer. It just depends whether we wanna go for the solution/answer or not.

The best way to deal with these situations...as per my experience...is to just deal with it. Sometimes what we do is..we choose to go with the flow without considering where is it flowing towards!

And then is when we draw our crests and troughs.

Its easy to go with the flow maybe...but its better to shake your brain a little bit and think before flowing. Thats what is called "dealing with".

Its harder to understand in theory probably but much easier to indulge yourself into.

Just be patient and calm...rest will itself be taken care of..! :-)