Wednesday, February 22, 2017

DAY 264 (For starters...respect yourself)

I have seen people being really hurt over not being respected enough. Be it at home, at workplace or amongst relatives. They want to be understood in the way that they think they are not right now but for that they just don't know what to do.

I always suggest those who come to me with this problem to first respect yourself. If she is a housewife, she thinks that she isn't contributing to household expenses and thus she deserves to be taken for granted. Has she ever thought for all those hours when the financier of the household is toiling outside, she is holding the storm all alone inside the 4 walls. When he comes back home, he would never even know the importance of things being at place, warm food at table or kids doing well at school. And all he does is, provides the money for maintenance. I am not saying that it is any less of a task. But your partner's day's in was just as tedious as was your day out. Some people just conveniently ignore this fact.

Then there are some who are doing the 2-shift job. Getting disrespected at an 8-hour job outside and then inside home for the rest 16-hours. Well, it is true that you can't make excuses of lagging behind in your tasks at the workplace because your kid didn't sleep last night or you were busy helping in his art project till midnight. But then you are human too. You are expected to be as competent as men yet not paid as enough as them or being looked upon as a waste resource if you are about to go on a maternity leave. The responsibilities in these disrespects are often not divided equally amongst the 2 genders at workplace or at home and thus comes the under-confidence of not being able to excel. If you try to focus at one of these things, the other loses balance and the result is not good even then.

There is also a third category which is disrespected by society just because their definition of settling down is different than others. Marriage or having kids might not be just a way of settling down. But it is just not acceptable by the society and they become the third category of victims on the disrespected list. Everyone thinks there is something wrong in this list of people and make speculation around without having any business in the matter.

Coincidentally, 2 out of 3 of these problems were women-eccentric. However, I am sure and I know for a fact that there are many more such problems that men face too. But, it doesn't matter whoever you are or what you do, you just shouldn't lose respect for yourself in any situation in life. Your conditions in life are your decision and no one ever patted you when you were doing well in these conditions. Respect matters but not from the disrespectful ones. You need to move on and build a life of your own where you are answerable to only yourself and not anyone else who just passes time by being judgmental.

Life is great... you just need to discover your greatness.

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

DAY 263 (The intolerable generalisations)

I am NOT a feminist. Because I don't really believe in generalisations. I might be a certain kind of female and someone else might be someone really different than me. So basically, when there is something wrong going on, I would rarely go up to stand "for women". I might just stand up for a person and most of the times I believe in advocating just myself.

But there are people who just believe in a lot of generalisations and want to impose them at you or pass a comment at you because according to them you belong to that "general category". Those are asses really ! I don't want to hide behind asterisks to describe them.

Just today a colleague comments at me saying "only women can afford iPhones because they get gifts". Can you believe it? I told him that this is a very wrong statement and he should take it back. But he kept on repeating the statement again and again with rolling eyes and a dumb smile. Now, he has this mentality because his wife is a housewife (which is not demeaning and is a much harder job) and also because he might have been brought up with this thinking. But that does not mean that I will pamper his disgusting and derogatory thoughts and just shrug it away. Would he pamper my personal thinking about his category (if I had any?)

This happens time and again. You tell someone (man or woman), that you were stalked or eve-teased last night. They don't ask you the vehicle number or did I report it? They ask me which area you were in, what time it was, why did I decide to be out so late in a dress. These are ridiculous chain of thinking which I just can't get over with. And I am not ready to excuse it with a universal answer "Because we are in India". Because again....there is a generalisation! Not all Indians think like this and neither it is that as soon as an Indian settles abroad, his/her thinking changes.

We just can't blame it on the society or "log kya kahenge" either. We just can't keep getting away with it. And this is for both men and women. Women also do not have any right to make generic comments on men.

I guess we need to raise our children in an unbiased thinking environment and let them have their own thoughts by experience rather than generalisations. Those few sentences that you hear in your childhood about a certain gender or caste gets engraved deep down in your memory. The only difference is some people start believing those engravings even when they grow up and some are just matured enough to let them stale there. So ... to all the logical ones: Let us not engrave things to younger generations and let the world be a better place than it is.

Sunday, January 8, 2017

DAY 262 (The unanswered questions..)

Has it ever happened to you that you were going to write a blog about someone or even halfway to it but then you realise they don't deserve it probably and delete the whole thing even if the writing felt good?
It happened to me just now. In times like this you realise how unimportant someone has become for you over the time. It might also be that they have disappointed you so much that you just don't wanna waste your e-ink on them.

The stranger part is, you feel used or a convenient part of their life now. Its not a new story for me anyway. If I dig in my blogs, I am sure I would find minimum 4 more similar blogposts. But does that justify a problem in me or in the world? The latter seems less probable for obvious reasons but I really need to work this out.

It seems so easy for the rest of the world to just go on their way, be mean, be thoughtless for you. I wonder where do they get this strength from? It takes real stone-cold heart to be this way. And I don't buy the argument that they were always this way. Because if that was true, I would never have been impacted.

Well...such is life. Some questions can just never be answered. And somewhere inside your heart, you wish they aren't ever answered. 

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

DAY 261 (Random new year scribble...)

So they say that it will continue to be the way you started your first day of the year. Well.. guess what? I fell sick with cold and fever. And the sad part is, it wasn't even because of alcohol. Or is it the good part? ;)

Anyway, so does that really happen? Would I be sick for the rest of the year too? Ah, just thinking about it gave me jitters. Well..I hope not! But 364 days to test...

So, I don't know how many of you reading this, believe in new year resolutions. Well.. I don't. I can't commit myself to something which is against my habits or nature. Maybe it is because I have the fear of not having enough will-power. Or maybe it is because I believe things happen if they are supposed to happen. You can't force yourself to do something for the next 365 days of your life consistently.

I remember when I was a kid, I used to prepare this huge chart with a cardboard stand (like a big photo frame) with 2 columns drawn neatly on it. First column had names of my family members and the second one had the list of resolutions for the next year. On every 31st December, I used to go with that chart to every member and force them to fill it. My name was always at the extreme bottom and my fill in the blank was "No resolutions because they are meant to be broken". Funny..isn't it? And then that chart used to hang on my cupboard for the rest of the year like a prized possession.

However, its funny as well as amazing to remember few things for which you have been consistent on your opinion since you can remember. Otherwise people change over a period of time.

Sometimes I wonder why did I use to make those charts when I did not believe in resolutions. What was my intention behind it. I remember I used to chase people down if they were breaking theirs. But was there a deep thought which, as a child, I could not understand?
But naah, I believe I was just a kid...and a smart one! :)

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Day 260 (The self-proclaimed advisers)

Some people are just too nosy or feel they should be advising in everyone's business. And I often come across such people here and there.

This was a couple of months ago, when someone I acquainted over a game of table tennis got to know that I write blogs. He asked me many times to share the link. I pretended to have forgotten to share but then shared it eventually when he pinged me a couple of times over chat. So, he read my blog for which I did not expect any feedback, but he takes the pain to give it to me. There was this blog I wrote about my husband a while back which titled "Disadvantages of having a sane husband". He asked if the incidents I quoted there actually happened or I just made them up. I just replied it happened ofcourse. He laughed over it and then came to the advisory business. He tells me, if he were me, he would use a lighter shade for my blog theme if I want others to read without straining their eyes. Well, I can appreciate your negative comments on my writing as that's one of the purposes of blogging (since you are making them public). But the theme of the blog? From someone whom I did not press or push to read it? I still kept quite and said okay. Then he gave me couple of examples of colors or themes (I don't remember now which among the two) to use.
Maybe he was right? Maybe it strained his eyes and some other's. But, then I found it too nosy from him to try and persuade me to go to that length to make my blog more "presentable". He could have simply stopped reading them!
Then again, we meet at a reader's group meeting where we share which book we are currently reading, what's it about etc. There again, blogging pops up. I keep mum as I don't really want to share it with people in office. Oh, I just realized I forgot to tell you that this guy works in the same firm as I do. So this meet and the table tennis, everything happened at workplace. Anyway, moving on...
So on blogging he gallantly shared his blog bragging (which I know is a strong word) that he writes short stories which always have a message or else he writes spiritual blogs. People appreciated him and asked for his blog link. It could have ended there. But then this guy again says that "Supriya also writes blogs". Okay, thanks for publicizing it and I am still mum with a smile on my face. Then he adds saying however, her blogs are too personal, they do not have a message really and need a little grooming. Basically they are very different from mine. And I just say, yes my blogs are very different than his.
Well, people ask me to share my blog link too (which sounded more like a formality than a cheer) and we end the meeting.

Now, when I am towards the end of this story, I realize if this guy still strains his eyes on my writing; he might read it and get offended and stuff. Well, did I mean to offend him? No. I just meant to share a true story (without any message maybe). Should I delete this blog or change privacy settings? No. I haven't done this ever and won't do it too and god and I know how many times have I offended people in the past and how least I care.

But then the moral of the story is, it is very clear from the body language or facial expressions when you are advising someone to decide whether they want to take your advice or not. And I am not saying everytime someone doesn't want your advice means that you should stop giving it. It might be you are constantly advising a heart-broken friend, your kid or your sibling. They don't want to hear it but you have the right to keep pressing it on them as you play an important role in their life and it matters in the long run. So, my blog might not have a message but it is just a write-up for the nosy ones that they should narrow down their targets to be appreciated for the divine knowledge that they share in this not-so-divine world.

Friday, December 9, 2016

DAY 259 (Confession and a Disclaimer)

I am a possessive friend. First of all I won't be good friends with you unless I absolutely fantastically like you. But once I am in, you might wanna get out of my zone because of my suffocating love for you.
I know it sounds scary..but well I am scary when it comes to attachment.

I can't tolerate you not replying my messages or replying after hours when I am always online for you and by always I literally mean 24x7.
I can't tolerate even more when it is because of some other friend of yours whom I really hate !
I can't tolerate you doing something wrong and me not being able to scold you because of your dominant behaviour.
I can't tolerate you being all friendly with someone who is clearly not your type and you just want to be on good terms with him for no good reason.
I can't tolerate you making me go silent all the time because you have just decided not to share what's going on and neither do you let me ask too.
I can't tolerate you suddenly sharing check-ins and selfies with someone you used to bitch about to me few days ago.
I can't tolerate you just saying no to everything I demand.

Well, for me these things that happen from your side is not fair and its just not me to accept them thinking that you must be right every other time. I love you truly and that is why these things bug me. And if me being bugged bugs you then, are we really friends?

Thursday, November 17, 2016

DAY 258 (Being there without being there..)

Sometimes, I feel that over the time, my strengths have become my weaknesses and vice versa. Sentimentality most of the times, cost more than you can afford and it has indebted me time and again.

Some bonds give you the feeling of 'forever'. There is no replacement. But over the time, when you grow up, your expressing powers fade away and you are not really good at words anymore. All you do gets translated to duties rather than affection. It is hurtful and aches you to your core. But you just don't want to give up. However, there are times when one should realize when your affection is not really pleasing the other person. You share from your part but they don't feel like reciprocating. You still think of them to give all the "first-news", but they hear it like a news-feed rather than a sharing.

At these times, you should know to step down. What care is it if its not pleasant enough. What affection is it if it just acts as a last string of hope between you two. What bond is it if it is only keeping you from falling for a little longer.

So, you wait or you don't, but just keep the happy memories intact with all the love and regards for that person. You keep it in your heart that you will always be with them even if you both went different ways. You remember their comfort when you cry and thank them from inside when you are blessed. You pray for them in your prayers and wish them all the happiness in all they do.

That's how sometimes it is and you just have to accept it.....for old times sake.