DAY 318 (Do you talk or respond?)

Writing has always been healing to me. It has always happened that I would have words articulated exactly the same way I am thinking them when I am writing but when I speak I always miss somethings and then I redo it in my head. Has it happened to you?

I went back many times to retrospect why so? It took me to as back as I could remember where I was hardly 8 years old and used to maintain a diary where I talked everything "to" it. "Dear diary..." and it went on everyday. I had so much to tell my diary and if someone asked me how was school today, I would say fine.

There were no big secrets spilled there. What secrets would a 8 year old have? I still remember journaling stuff like, "Oh it was such hot weather today! We did not even get enough water breaks! How unfair?!"

But if someone would ask me later "You seem dehydrated." I would say "Oh, is it?"

So having never acknowledged for all these years that I am the most expressive and "Extrovert" while I write made me an anti-people person. Sure, I can sit in a crowd, I can laugh at others' joke (which sound funny to me), I can host a party, I would accept invites, but I prefer going back and writing it out or read myself to sleep. I would rather drink and dance it away with people and continue being an "extrovert". 

For some, it might sound sad, for some it might sound so therapeutic. 

Now when I see my son, he wants to speak everything in the world! That makes me so happy! Sure he is just 5 years old and mostly all kids of all generations speak everything out loud in this age but he literally doesn't leave anything. He would never hide his fears and reservations too. He would express that he needs hugs right now. He would say he doesn't want to talk right now. And I wish I had this freeness of speech all these years. I wish I would actually "talk" to people rather than just respond. 

I find myself most expressive on morality grounds. I see something going morally wrong somewhere (on my morality scale), I would speak up without a peck of shyness. Words would come out just right too. But when it comes to talking, I find papers and pens are much better companions. They would let me finish. They would not frown upon the silly things I am upset about or why I want the world to change.

I wish my son can both talk it out and write it out in his life journey. I feel to be able to express yourself is the most important like skill which people often ignore. 

I don't even know if this post made sense. But it was healing..as always. 

Happy reading/writing/talking ..whichever bucket you fall into! Till I write again...