Being What I Always Wanted To Be.....

With time and age, we become wiser (so to say!). We evolve, we change and most changes are for the good on the conscious level. Every person’s changes are good and applicable for their lives and it is not necessary that his/her formula would fit to my life.  However, there are few learnings on the path that you realise can benefit most and hence sharing one of my learnings here. I will call it … the grey hair chronicles! When I assumed I had grown up, maybe I was 12 or 13, I just had this mantra of life that I had to be myself. The mantra itself was good, but to achieve it I assumed that I just had to say everything I had in my mind when I had it. After all, talkers are people with pure heart. I was sometimes harsh, sometimes cheesy, sometimes embarrassing but I just had a little pride in me of being myself.  I think I felt this was the right thing to do for more than 2 decades. And then by just being influenced by few books and in the search of becoming better with experiment...

So, I have never been a person who tried to boost herself up with pre-conceived notions. Ever since I had hit my teen, it was pretty obvious to me that I am not gonna make friends or be likeable based on my looks. So the only option I have is my brain. Maybe, just maybe if I am smart enough I might fit into some group.  Also, I have always had this weird problems of making friends from girls/women. And it is hard to sometimes find the right guys to be friends with without sending them and the world any wrong ideas. Now, its double pressure: I have to be smart enough, but just enough to fit a group of decent guys. Phew! So, I was good in grades in school but I think I was teachers' pet too. I scored more to impress teachers rather than to learn something. So, I hated Physics but I would still be amongst the top 5 scorers of the school. So you can imagine my lack of learning and my desire of "winning". I loved literature but I was taught that there is no "future" ...