DAY 303 (The grey hair chronicles- part 1)

With time and age, we become wiser (so to say!). We evolve, we change and most changes are for the good on the conscious level. Every person’s changes are good and applicable for their lives and it is not necessary that his/her formula would fit to my life. 

However, there are few learnings on the path that you realise can benefit most and hence sharing one of my learnings here. I will call it … the grey hair chronicles!

When I assumed I had grown up, maybe I was 12 or 13, I just had this mantra of life that I had to be myself. The mantra itself was good, but to achieve it I assumed that I just had to say everything I had in my mind when I had it. After all, talkers are people with pure heart. I was sometimes harsh, sometimes cheesy, sometimes embarrassing but I just had a little pride in me of being myself. 

I think I felt this was the right thing to do for more than 2 decades. And then by just being influenced by few books and in the search of becoming better with experiments, I decided to take a new path to salvation recently… be myself but hold my tongue. 

Well, it’s difficult if you have been a talker for more than 3 decades of your life. But once you see an impeccable return, you are tempted to try it again. It works everywhere.

1) It works magic in parenting: Suppose your child is driving you crazy to play a game for 101st time consecutively in the same day at the same time and you are literally dizzy with it. The old me would just scold him at the top of my voice telling enough is enough, either we are playing something else or we are not playing anything. The new me will try to calm myself while avoiding to play the game again. So I would ask him why does he like this game so much? Did he tell about this game to his school friend? What did his friend say? And it will divert him without playing the game but still talking about it. It’s a win-win and a moment of holding my tongue just did magic.

2) It works magic at work: one of my co-worker is just adamant on some theory and is not ready to receive ideas even though I have a POC of my method which is more efficient and quality-assured. The old me would just snap in the meeting asking I disagree and I would rather not be a part of the project. However, the new me will ask my coworker to try out his method for a week (since he is so adamant on it) and in parallel I will report back my method’s result and then we will sit and compare together 1-1. Ta-da ! I save both personal and professional relationship there.

3) It works magic in marriage: I disagree with my spouse over something and all the nerves in me are just bursting out to prove my point. But hold on… just give it sometime. Let me cool down while repeating what he is saying in my mind. There can be 3 outcomes: 

a) I will agree to his POV

b) I will find a better way to convince him of my point without being hyper.

c) I would realise it’s not even a topic worth discussing! 

And it saves a ruined day, a lot of drama, and a troubled sleep. 

Similarly, there can be so many situations where we can just take a moment, sit back and see ourselves in that situation as a third person. Ask a few basic questions:

1) Do I like myself right now?

2) Is it worth it?

3) Why does this deserve my time and energy?

4) What example am I setting for myself and my kid?

I think these kickstarters are enough to get the train back on track. I know it’s not easy. It took me around a year to bring it to practice and I still fail several times. 

I read a lot lately which helps. It makes me calmer in general and wiser psychologically. 

But over the time the process of taking a moment and talking to yourself as a third person to handle the situation better just takes a microsecond most of the times and you realise words are precious. They should not be wasted just anywhere for anything. 

Choose your words wisely, think before you speak, read a lot. 

This worked for me and hope it helps anyone who reads it.