Being What I Always Wanted To Be.....

It has just happened recently that I am not going through a very good or stable state of mind. Sometimes I felt like crying out loud but never did I feel like talking it out or sharing it with anyone in the whole wide world. And thats normal too. There are certain things you don't wanna have a conference on. You wanna deal it with your own skills and capability. And then since you have chosen to do so...it becomes your responsibility that no one questions your "masked-happiness".  You need to be that determined about  it. And trust me..I am a pro at it...when I really decide to do so. And thats what I was doing. I was sounding perfectly happy and cheerful. Nobody could sense whats happening. And it was not necessary as well. But then...you really feel disappointed when these sincere efforts also get raised fingers! And the raised fingers doesn't imply to those matured ones who could feel that I am just pretending to be happy-go-lucky...but those who were so immatur...

Sometimes..it becomes so difficult to be private. Everyone is poking you at every other act of yours...and this is so irritating..!!! Everyone has a damn right to have his/her own perception. Who is anyone else to ask for justifications or give judgments??? People always love to interfere. Just knowing a bit of it cooks up a whole story and their intuition becomes their act of witness. You feel ridiculous watching these monkeys at a time but then you have your whole life to look after... so you throw it to the backseat. But then its human to get distracted....to not be allowed to live in peace. Why should I tell everyone the reason for doing anything and everything? Why??? Why should I explain each and every perceptions of mine? What for??? What does it has to do with anybody else? And by anybody...I mean ANYBODY..!!! Oh common...please just grow up and mind your own business. Have some time to spare on yourself too. That'll give both of us some mental peace. I ...

I didn't wanna do this today...I swear! I didn't wanna scribble things down. I didn't have the energy to do it but God knows why,how and when do I go bizarre about things. Anyway..tell me...lets suppose...you are in a deep blue sea. The waves are storming like a terror today and are fighting to tear you apart. You know how to swim but you don't know in which direction to swim. The black water has caught hold of you right in the middle. You can't even judge gravity for now. What would you do? You know...whats your enemy here. You know....how to fight? What you just don't know is which way to fight...which amongst the techniques do you choose? And then you realize...its not the pain ..or the coming death which you are fighting with...its the meager chances of survival which you are fighting against. The enemy is not that obvious. And you were in a delusion. You realize that you are afraid of being saved . You wanna drown that bad  because thats the only wa...

Well..I came yesterday as well to write a post but since Chanz's tag caught my attention so here I am now... It was quite a stagnant weekend for me...the literally "nothing to do" weekend. But these two weeks were quite a nice experience including all the ups and downs . And I am gonna talk about only the ups here...as downs should be dumped as soon as possible. Well....I got a very creative and "according to my liking" assignment luckily in the past few days which although  consumed a hell lot of my time and energy but gave me an inner satisfaction and joy as I completed it. True.. that something done straight from the heart can't be replaced by any other thing in the world. And if it gets appreciated as well...then its the topping on the cake! So that was something wow!! Apart from this...the office people had a party last week as well....which went quite amazing. There was dancing,mimicry and what not! Everyone had the time of their lives and it ...

Well...its another weekend...and since this time...I am literally in a "nothing to do" state...this tag couldn't get a better replacement. I first of all thank chanz  for that. She has been one reader who have stood by all my good and bad writings and I feel connected to her posts as well most of the times. So,without any exaggeration...let me start on with the tag... Ten how’s: 1. How did you get one of your scars?   I fell down (or rather pushed by a jealous classmate) in my school ground in class 7th and my wrist watch broke and the glass poked inside the skin. I still remember the day... 2.  How did you celebrate your last birthday?   I was waiting for my job joining date...received a lot of calls...and in the evening had dinner with family and relatives. 3.  How are you feeling at this moment?   Disgusted and lost. 4.  How did your night go last night?   I don't really remember.   5. How did you do in high school?   I was a goody g...