DAY 313 (Retrospection)

There always comes a time in life when you retrospect past few months/years and decide what needs changing. Sometimes the changes are in your routine, sometimes the people surrounding you and other times starting new things for your own good.

My retrospection gave me all three recently! It is overwhelming to realize at times that you were roaming in the wrong lanes and had you not done this exercise, you might have done a lot of damage to your own. 

I got this habit or rather this alarm of awareness ever since I was in 9th standard or somewhere around same age where I kind of auto-fix myself with this exercise. It is usually a hit and trial but the self awareness makes me more independent every time I do it.

This exercise is also very helpful in thinking about myself (just me and no one else) which no one else would do so selflessly. It is such a basic thing but I see so many people forgetting to just think about themselves. They would think about their ageing parents, their spouses, their children, their close friends. But they would forget the one soul who is the only constant and that's them.

You know it is your energy that can fix people around you as well. You are irritated but your concentration is on making the right food, getting your kid's homework done or hosting a guest. Instead you should take a breath, fix yourself and then see the difference.

The problem gets bigger with people whose morality is above their wellness. For example, I have this deadline and I am sick but I gave a commitment so I will do this and then take care of my escalated ill health. Or, I have no time in my day, I need those 30 mins to myself but someone else needs my shoulder to cry so I will let myself drain even more to support the troubled soul because no one else ever did it for me.

These things are angelic on the scale of morality but at the same time squeezing you out. So you need to take a call. 

I have often heard/read about "my innermost circle". When people ask who is the closest to you , we give 1 or 2 names from our life whom we consider the most special people of our life. But I feel, in the innermost circle we should learn to be with only ourselves. Most of us don't know how to live with ourselves or in other words how to live alone. And that causes so much chaos in our mind all the time. We are constantly thinking about others so basically our mind is taking double or triple load every second. Its bound to wear out.

Pausing every few days/months/years and retrospection is the best gift you can give to yourself and you can see magic around you. And this realization came to me during one my retrospection!