Being What I Always Wanted To Be.....

There was this group of people who used to meet once in every week. It was necessary to meet for them because of a forgotten illogical vow that they took when they met each other for the first time. The group started increasing in size and it became a tribe. The head of the tribe (let's call him "Guruji") started leading the people. When they used to meet, they thought they will talk about common topics. For example, who is new in the tribe, who left the tribe, what should we do in our tribe to make our group stand-out from other tribes,etc. But Guruji thought otherwise. People used to come with high hopes to Guruji every week and try not to sleep/wander away in the discussions. Guruji starts every meeting with "how are you doing" and ended at "how you should  be doing". Guruji, as per his title, liked to read and implement philosophies in his life. Problem started when he became philosophical in those meetings and started to share everything he s...

So its Engineer's day today and I see a lot of hashtags here and there. I too participated in a few. Sometimes I wonder if hashtags were famous during my college days. Guys calling each other in cafeteria Oye #Abuse1 Abey #Abuse1 + #Abuse2 Girls during exam times Girl1: Can you you give me your #Subject notes for the evening Girl2: There are no #notes Girl1: (starts crying): How will I pass? #Sob #Sob #Sob Girl2: I have the #photostats of important pages in the book (smiles exchanged) Professors in classroom Prof: Yes Mr. #CoolDude , tell me the answer of this question #Cooldude: Sir I was on #leave yesterday Prof: Get out of my class. You are #suspended. #Cooldude (messaging): #Suspended #OfficialBunk #PartyTonight I know its a strange and weirdly funny blog and I don't know why didn't I write a better and sensible blog for #EngineersDay. But you know...we engineers are never sensible so #WhoCares ! #Cheers 

It's a feeling of not belonging. Like I am an outsider. Sometimes, this feeling creeps in and lingers for so long that it becomes poisonous, it makes me hateful. I have so many reasons why did I leave my hometown and did not choose to stay nearby. But, all those reasons could make me only  conditionally happy. From the food to the surroundings, nothing is same. Nothing is home. I speak and seem like no one is relating to anything. I share my likes/dislikes, my choices and I see faces made. I work, and I find myself dumb among all those insiders. Yes, I am an outsider. And I am in my own country. Choice. I always thought its an easy word. A word with just one meaning. But, I see choices being judged everywhere. Choices being marked right and wrong or in terms of latest generation - Awesome and ewwww.  And look at me being a fool, I always thought that choices are very personal. One-to-one mapping. I like this. You like that. Simple. It is not that it is always disres...

I hear married people cracking spouse jokes all the time. Especially when they are not with their spouse. Even more especially if their marriage has crossed a decade. In Office: Bachelor Employee: Hey let's go to food court today. We will have some butter chicken. Married Employee: Wife has given me dabba (lunchbox)   dude. If it's not empty when I reach home, I will have to listen to taunts till the entire week. (Both laugh hysterically) Bachelor Employee: Hey I have got sweets from my native! Married Employee: Hey are you happy or are you married? (Whole row of cubicle roar with laughter) In a Mall: Bachelor Dude 1: Hey Dude, how come you got time on this weekend to meet me? Married Dude 2: Wife finally gone to her parents house yaar. I told her I will be very busy whole week. Let us bunk office and plan a trip. (Wink Wink from both ends) In a restaurant: Gossip Queen 1: Kitty party next weekend? Gossip Queen 2: Oh my God! You are free this weekend?? How co...

Why do I have to mourn, why oh why? Those who had to go are gone. Those who had to do their deeds have done. They don't have a remorse nor a guilt. Then.. Why do I have to mourn, why oh why? Its worthless when you have it, unworthy if you don't Your honesty is paid by a handful of lies And you can't even complain too, Then.. Why do I have to mourn, why oh why? Its a small world they say Smaller than a room sometimes You see me everyday and so do I But those are not your glances, those are not your eyes Then.. Why do I have to mourn, why oh why?

There was a time when I told him only negative things about me. What wrongs I did to people, how pessimistic I had been and what people thought of me. He still chose me. I told him its not a good choice. There are still dark things in me left unexplored and I don't know when might they get discovered. He smiled and still chose me. Today, when I tell him that this is what my thinking is, what I think of doing to this world and how mean I am, he tells me some positive things which I don't even think belong to me. He convinces me that those things are inside me and all I need is to accept them. I call him an illusionist and he still chooses me. I don't know what keeps him there. What tells him that I am worth staying for. I don't know why we were destined to meet, to live together, to spend the rest of our lives together. I just know that wherever I go, whatever I choose, he follows, finds me and still chooses me .... 

Scene : Morning 8:30 am. Pati sitting on couch looking at his office laptop. I came to the living room and see that its actually looking like a mad house. So I decide to clean it up a little bit. I start folding things/putting them at proper place. I find my husband's jacket somewhere beneath that heap of blankets. Rest everything cleaned, I give that to him saying "Please keep it in your cupboard when you get up." He says "Sure". 1 hour later: I have taken bath. Husband has taken bath. I am preparing tea for breakfast. Pati putting lunch in lunchbox. I come out to serve tea on the centre table and I find that jacket exactly at the same place I left it. I fold the jacket and put it in pati's cupboard. Then I go to him and say as nicely as I could "I asked you to keep that jacket in your cupboard. It was a 30 sec job. When you got up to go for bath, you could have kept it back". What happens next? a) Pati says "Oh damn. Shit I forg...

Well... I have thought a lot and my biggest fantasy is to just read endlessly. Read like there is nothing else to do. Like there is no job to attend to. There is no deadline to finish a book. There is no questionnaire afterwards. There is no task, no plan for it. There is no sleeping cycle, no eating cycle. Nothing to show and tell. Nothing to ask. There should be no book in the world that I haven't read. Maybe I would have dropped reading some of them midway because I didn't feel connected but atleast I would have started it once upon a time. I don't want to be paid for it because I don't want it to be my job. As I have discovered, things done for free are generally done by heart. You do them because you like doing them and not because you are being paid to do it. Do I want to write too? Hell...yeah. When I am tired of reading too much, I just want to write endlessly. Like there is no end to this book I am writing. I don't care about the flow or the audience...

So.. I have this friend who is a blogger like me (doesn't boast about writing though...unlike me ..duhh !). And I guess she is the only blogger whose each and every blog I love. When I read them, I feel like I am talking to her face to face. It comes out naturally in her writing. *Lightbulb* ... Maybe...thats why she doesn't boast about it ! So how do I know her? Okay first of all, most of the bloggers I love, I got to know them through online means. Somebody posted a link on twitter, I am too free to open it, I read the first of few lines, I like it and I make it till the end....Tadaaaaa...your blog goes in my favourites list to timepass. But never will I register myself for your blog updates to spam my inbox. And that's because I am not confident I will remember later how to unregister myself and I might regret it. But this girl...well , I have registered myself to her blog from DAY 1! *Lightbulb* ... This is a truth I just learnt about myself ! Oh, I skipped the...

A few months ago, I remember going for a movie with my-then-would-be-husband. Beautifully scripted a good Hollywood movie for which we have been waiting for quite some time. We booked the most comfortable and the highly expensive (read over-priced) last row seats. Just before the movie had to start, there is a lady who comes and sits next to me. Movie starts and still there is no one who comes in to fill the seat next to her. "Poor girl, I think". Her friend must have ditched her and it must be so irritating to be stuck alone in a theatre. 20 minutes pass by and suddenly I hear her saying, "I just love this guy" pointing to a new actor who appeared on screen. I shrug and ignore her thinking she might be talking to herself. Then this happened in frequent intervals. Whenever a  good scene comes, she would look at me as if we came together and would say something. For once I felt, either she is crazy or she is too frustrated for her friend to ditch her that she is t...

Birthdays are just too big a deal for me. A bigger deal than getting married maybe ! I have this excitement which gets inside me when a birthday of anyone close to me is round the corner. And if its my birthday...just double the excitement level ! I have this feeling of celebrating this day as if its your first and last birthday celebration ever. You should be pampered like crazy. All your wishes should be obliged to. You should have dinner at fanciest of the places and there should be not even a minute in the day which makes you feel....regular. I know many of you reading this will feel that you also have gone through this sometime ago but we were in school then. It ages out with age. Birthdays are there, celebration gets passive. But celebration and passiveness, does the two words even get along? Naaah ! What is the celebration which is not without a little pomp and an extra show? And most importantly, you must talk and (if possible) meet everyone that you love that day. I know ...

Home sickness ! Its sicker than any other disease! You wake up, you miss your dad having early morning tea and asking you "Badi jaldi uth gayi aaj?". You get ready, you miss your mom's multi-cuisine all-ready breakfast. You go out, you miss your sisters' nagging to accompany you wherever you are going. You come back, you miss your father staring at the clock and then you back and forth. You miss the festivals and the huge amount of food that comes with it. You miss the authority which you have over the roads of your city and the proud feeling of knowing about everything, what you will get where. You miss your grandmother's champi-maalish, her food, even her smell :( You miss your little cousins' fight to play with you and whose side you will take in their fights. You miss that weather, that routine. You miss living so easy. You miss being carefree about anything. Who cares, what is finished in groceries, bike has the petrol or not, clothes have been w...

There are some hard times which are hard enough to break you. Its a feeling of being lost. You cannot be saved because you feel doomed. Everything seems to have happened for good yet you don't want it to happen. At such times, just a support of 1 person can help you revive. You can manage to cope up, live through. You manage to be just fine. For me, that 1 person is my hubby. I feel lucky enough to be with someone who unlike others, doesn't tell me how to pass through but he passes through with me in grave situations. His givings are endless and thats what helps me going. His support is unconditional which gives me strength to get up and get a handle on my life. He just manages to save me from drowning, pull me back from falling. He saves me back all the time and for that I am grateful. Things happen at times on which we don't have a control. They happen coz they were meant to happen. I lost my maternal grandfather yesterday. I admired his liveliness, his intelli...