Being What I Always Wanted To Be.....

While the year 2022 is coming to an end, I felt that I should oblige to another one of my forgotten hobby..blogging. I think this is one of those years where I wrote the least, read the most and did a lot of things that I never imagined I would. I read around 30 books this year and 31st still in the read and I got to understand something about myself. While I try to explore the spirituality in me by reading, trying to understand and then finally accepting few concepts of beyond life and death and the true awakening, I am also equally interested in the self-help books which tell me how to live a happier and healthier life, how to have better habits, how to fit in the circle of life of which I am trying to get rid of. It is ironical and tells me straight in the eye how far away I am from any kind of awakening and spiritual growth.  I have participated in more sports in this year than I have participated in total in my young life (which was the right time of participation) and that to...

They often say that the more you read, it makes you a little more learned. But I believe it makes you a little more crazy too. You are philosophical in all your approaches of looking at life. I recently had read this book “The Shiva sutras” which has blown my mind. I wouldn’t make this blog a book review but this book is something which I would revisit till I am breathing and I would like to absorb atleast few of the teachings if not all.  If the knowledge says that we are all the same, you are me and I am you and this world and it’s baggages are all but a myth then there are so many things which are non-existent and still we are all time running-after or “dying-for”.  From the materialistic pleasures to the emotional pains, we have devoted ourselves day and night to these commitments. In reality they are just a figment of imagination of our cosmos which is conceptualising this false concept of “life”.  Some of our basic motives are baseless: What do we want to do in life...

During the past few weeks, I wanted to write on so many occasions but sometimes the situations held me back and sometimes I didn't have the flow to complete the post. So I intend to give it a try now... Its not so long ago that I wrote last but there are so many big wins and small losses that happened with me during this period:  I won a lot of time with my son. I especially love our exclusive walks at odd hours when mostly no one is around and we are just ourselves talking about the trees, our favorite things, school stuff, some teachings and learnings from both sides, running, sometimes cycling and being silent. I lost the zeal to grab projects and be on top of things. Well, you got to set your priorities. Sometimes life is calling out to you to retrospect, pause and redo certain things. You accept the reality of the situation and you choose what is important for now. I won a couple of great friends. I am a social person in general but I am neither a person who hangs out in group...

 All (or most) modern day parents (parents of the last decade and further) struggle everyday to find hacks to a new problem they are facing in their parenting techniques. Moreover, there is no single formula for two sets of parents for even exact same problems. There are so many variables that sometimes it seems like its worth a 10-year degree course with no notes to refer to. Having no leads, no hints and no workable model, we dive into this ocean of unknown trying to pick clues to this treasure hunt in the hope of hitting jackpot a day that will never arrive. I sound like a hopeless parent, don't I? But trust me, it gets hopeful. I think hopes start when our brain gets creative and gets to work with never giving up attitude. We were/are all difficult people in our own ways and we all got through somehow in life, didn't we? So there must be something right in us and we steered the right enough to get to where we are today. We just need to do it for our offspring now until he/s...

With time and age, we become wiser (so to say!). We evolve, we change and most changes are for the good on the conscious level. Every person’s changes are good and applicable for their lives and it is not necessary that his/her formula would fit to my life.  However, there are few learnings on the path that you realise can benefit most and hence sharing one of my learnings here. I will call it … the grey hair chronicles! When I assumed I had grown up, maybe I was 12 or 13, I just had this mantra of life that I had to be myself. The mantra itself was good, but to achieve it I assumed that I just had to say everything I had in my mind when I had it. After all, talkers are people with pure heart. I was sometimes harsh, sometimes cheesy, sometimes embarrassing but I just had a little pride in me of being myself.  I think I felt this was the right thing to do for more than 2 decades. And then by just being influenced by few books and in the search of becoming better with experiment...

So, I have never been a person who tried to boost herself up with pre-conceived notions. Ever since I had hit my teen, it was pretty obvious to me that I am not gonna make friends or be likeable based on my looks. So the only option I have is my brain. Maybe, just maybe if I am smart enough I might fit into some group.  Also, I have always had this weird problems of making friends from girls/women. And it is hard to sometimes find the right guys to be friends with without sending them and the world any wrong ideas. Now, its double pressure: I have to be smart enough, but just enough to fit a group of decent guys. Phew! So, I was good in grades in school but I think I was teachers' pet too. I scored more to impress teachers rather than to learn something. So, I hated Physics but I would still be amongst the top 5 scorers of the school. So you can imagine my lack of learning and my desire of "winning". I loved literature but I was taught that there is no "future" ...

This is my 5th Mother's day and the gift I am giving to myself is finding time to write a blogpost. Incidentally, my mom (actually both my parents) are here in Bangalore staying with us currently so it is kind of a two generation Mother's day in the same house today. Mother's day is just another (Sun)day which if someone tells my son to wish me, he wishes with a shower of kisses but like any other Sunday it is a myth because we have a 4-year old hyper-energetic boy running around 24x7. From kitchen duties to kid's duties nothing can be skipped on any day because it is a vacation-less responsibility. The other day I was watching this hilarious stand-up comedy where the comedian said that "When we were small, we were told to listen to our parents. We listened thinking that when we will become parents, our kids will listen to us. Apna time aayega! But when we became parents, syllabus changed. Now it said to listen to your kids. Apni batting hi nahi aayi! " So bei...

Ever since I started a book club in my apartment, I am so inspired to read more than ever that my reading speed has increased threefold and I am finishing up books like magic and feeling so content after each book. Seeing me read every other minute, while cooking, while feeding my 3 year old son, while getting a 5 mins break or basically on every other opportunity, my son is also getting more than curios than ever before about reading everything in the world.  He has always been a reader (since he was 1 year old) but there have been phases when he wasn't interested in finishing the story and just making a game out of a book. However, these days he even wants to read what I am reading and sometimes I can sense him feeling "insecure" (in a child's way) expressing to me that I should read with him and not ever without him. He feels he is missing out on "books" if I read in his absence. Remembering one such incident, I was reading this book last month "Deat...

 A post after a long time and a lot happened since then. Met my family after 2+ years to attend my sister's wedding.  Discovered that my son is a keen traveler. Visited close friends for new year celebration. Husband caught and fought Covid. I and kid went through some tough time supporting the covid warrior and trying to keep ourselves safe. Met office team after 2 years. Met another friend after 2 years. Kid graduated from pre-schooling from his first ever school and ready to join his new school in couple of months and pretty excited for it. So all in all, lots of reunions while fighting some challenges of life. Now that it is being said that life is getting back to 'normal', we need to first redefine normal. Offices expecting us to come back to office in hybrid model should help us understand where to dump our kids of age who do not have access to any vaccination?  There are news that mask is not going to be mandatory going forward should help us understand how to brea...