Being What I Always Wanted To Be.....

We don’t realise what we are doing to our family till it’s too late. It’s so common everywhere. We convince ourselves that what we are doing is for our kids, our family whereas it’s usually our selfish interest. We are not putting our asses to work and convincing ourselves to be merited one day because we love our kids. We do it because we want to do it. Because we want to succeed. We want to excel in our career. That’s one perspective and it’s relative. What might be a loss for one can be a gain for another. I might take it as losing it on my own health, time with my kid, and from someone else’s perspective might be that it’s small sacrifices for big benefits for me and my family’s future. There is no right or wrong here. There is no success our failure here. And I am no sadhguru here. But it’s very simple for me. Does my career excellence gives me the same happiness as picking up my kid on time or maybe early everyday and never make him wait for even a minute outside his school...

I never thought that I am a person who is capable of doing something for a social cause. I imagined myself to be any other person who just sits and discusses common social problems and forget it the next day. But ever since my post-delivery, I have this strong urge of helping anyone I can who is going through PPD or any other kind of stress/depression during this phase. Once you have been into such a situation, you can never forget how it made you feel and how lucky you are to have come out of it. You would not want anyone else to hit that low in their life. And if there is anything from your experience that can help anyone to come out of it, that can be the best you can do in your life for another human-being. People often live under this assumption that this is something very rare. Trust me, its as common as the flu except that its not a disease. Its just a mental state. I am no professional but I am a survivor and any survivor would tell you the same. We as mothers, when our ...

So my blog stopped running lately because my son did ! He is 1.5 year old toddler now which is unimaginable for me. I started writing my blogs back in 2009 which seems like yesterday to me and this post is from a mom of 1.5 year old ! Anyway, my blog's biggest fan (my husband ofcourse because who else reads it?) did a fan-request lately to write something. So here I am. Half of my mind is invested in my work, the other half is invested to be in alert-mode if my son wakes up. So I really don't have an agenda here.  Life has been busy. But not busy like maybe it was a year ago. A year ago, I wasn't really happy with the busy-ness. I wasn't healing from the tiredness, from the depression, from the hopelessness and from the trust-less-ness.  And now, I am happy! Like really happy! Maybe because I have become more efficient in being a mom, a working mom and probably a wife! I have accepted few things and I have adapted a handful stuff. My son is much happier in ...

When I became a parent, I thought that parenthood comes coupled with selflessness. There is nothing in this world that can make me put myself before my baby. However, when I see and observe around.. I am amazed to find so many selfish parents who are unbelievably blind towards their children existence sometimes. Some of them have kids who are 3 decades older but does that make any difference? Would I be remotely like this when my son is 10 or 20 or 30 years old? I surely hope not. There are so many of them who believe " Maa bhagwan ka roop hoti hai" (Mothers are the face of God) or that kids should always be grateful because it was their parents because of whom they came into this world. But I have lots of questions on these beliefs. They came into this world because their parents wanted to have a baby. No one came knocking and pleading on their door to give them birth. So nothing to be thankful for to be born. Next, it really goes beyond my understanding why would mothers...

Technically, this is my second mother's day but last time I was too naive to understand its gravity. I was hardly a 3-week old mom then. So now that it has been 1+ year of being a mom, I have learnt so much, grown so much! To start with, I was excited about this Mother's day. I love the fact that it falls on a Sunday every year so I can be with my son all-day long. I know there got to be around a decade more Mother's days when I can expect Ayaansh to really wish me or we spend a day-out together. But till then, I can continue to learn to be a better mom :-) This last year has taught me how to raise him alone and also how to raise him together. It has taught me when to be dependent and how to be independent. It has taught me to be selfish and selfless, fierce and loving, demanding and giving, sensitive and strong. Ayaansh has given me a beautiful world to live in. To be honest, sometimes its a tiring world too :-D but you know, its all worth it! He has taught me to grow ...

So my kid was born in a maternity hospital which only specialises in childbirth, paediatrics , etc. My son who is now 11.5 months old is not keeping well these days. As I told in my last post, he has been enrolled in daycare and the settlement period itself has given him one of the worse cons ... Viral infection. So, on the other hand, I got injured yesterday by falling down and hurting my leg. While I wanted to have a follow up for my son for his infection, I wanted to consult myself as well if a doctor was available. Paediatrics is on ground floor exclusively so since last 10 months or so, we have been back and forth to that ground floor so much so that we can be an official guide to the place now. After Ayaansh’s consultation when I asked to consult a doctor for myself, I was redirected to first floor. Ah.. THE first floor... the gynaec floor aka the happy floor. It brought back all the pregnancy duration happy memories in a flash. I think that’s the only floor in the hospital w...

Now that my kid has started going to day care (settling period), this thought keeps knocking my head, “is it all worth it?” Letting your child go through adjustments of being social, being away from parents just so you can do your job and earn money for him?  Can lesser money be such a bad thing? Can Having lesser luxuries and an average schooling be such a curse? Yes, I know that all of us want to give our children more than what we got (if we can provide that). All of us want our children to not be short of resources when it comes to education, toys, clothes and when they grow up then maybe gadgets and transport. But at what cost? Seeing my child call my name and crying breathlessly just because he wants to be with me and not with a bunch of strangers is so heartbreaking. And all I do is... tell myself that he will settle and I have to be strong and wait helplessly outside while he might settle. To console myself, sometimes I tell myself that there are other childre...

I read somewhere when I was a kid "Who said life is fair?" Somehow this imprinted in my mind. I would think of it in all unfavorable situations in life. Ofcourse.. life isn't fair. Books and reading change the way you think. It changes your whole personality and your impulses as well as how you react to situations. I have often found myself being over-sensitive (not that I am not sensitive other days!) during the days when I am reading an emotional romantic fiction. I find myself lost when I am reading a very interesting puzzling mystery thriller. And the list goes on. Sometimes, my behavior would depend on what I read when I was a little girl. Its so impacting! Reading can calm me and it can also ignite me. Reading can help me get through the day and it can also give me sleepless nights. I do not think or imagine that anything else in the world can do that magic to your brain. Make you a different person, mostly a better one. It will teach you things in life, it wil...

So, there are so many contradictory feelings that you keep having as the baby starts growing up. You want the baby to give you a break sometimes, but within 5 minutes you start missing him if he isn't around. You want baby to be active but you get so tired of fetching the things he keeps throwing and asking you for it. You want the baby to be interested in food but feel guilty when he stares at you eating without blinking his eyes. You want the baby to love you more than anyone else he loves and yet you want him to prepare to stay with a caregiver once you join back work. You want the baby to like to go out but sometimes exhausted of always wanting to go out. You want the baby to sleep well but when his afternoon naps extend beyond 2.5 hours, you start missing him and feel when will he wake up! (Confession: I sometimes even start making noise around the house so that he wakes up and plays with me :D ) This and so much more ! While you are adjusting to understand what yo...

One of my friends who is an ex-colleague, a fellow blogger, a fellow mom and an awesome buddy asked me a few days ago "why don't you write blogs anymore?" I knew the answer but it never registered that I didn't even attempt to make time. No wait, that's false. Lots of blogs came up in my mind during this time, but they had to be mental blogs. Too much truth, too much exposure, too much offence. So now, finally when I can write something not so controversial, lets go at it. Last 9 months of my life, phewww... can't be explained in a blog or captured in a book even and I don't have patience or time to write volumes of books. Basically, those were 9 months but everyday was so new to learn how to be a (good) parent that they flew away like they were 9 seconds. Lessons learnt: 1) You are in this alone. 2) "I will help you" is a myth. 3) Every kid is different so advises are useless (unless they are home remedies for a sickness of the kid). ...