Being What I Always Wanted To Be.....

Oh..its the last day of the year and this one is my 12th entry to the blog! 12 being my lucky number in the form of my birth date,I believe this is something which is gonna be lucky for me in a long go. Oh common...this degree of superstition can not harm any one on the earth. After all,I am not intruding with anyone's life or the laws of nature! Thats just a mere belief and that too an optimistic one. Anyway..before deciding anything for the new year's eve, I really hope that the TV soaps bless our souls today with some happy moments in their daily episodes so that my mom can be a part of the celebration too. Otherwise if someone in UTTARAN or BALIKA VADHU or CHOTI BAHU or bla bla bla has an accident today or god forbid dies by any chance then this new year is not gonna be happy any more for any of us in the family! No..no don't laugh... its true..really!! I wonder what if some huge techno fault happens some day and these telecasts can't be broadcasted for a day o...

Whats happening ? Has that weather manager up there forgotten that its 30th december today? Its raining out here! Sometimes I feel what if all those things shown in the movie "2012" would come true? It started with drizzling no? I am totally freaking out...not only because of this weather and my scary imaginations inspired from the movie but also because everyone around me is into this stupid "resolution business". What the hell!!!! I hate resolutions..I really do. Had it been 6-7 years ago,you would have probably found me with a resolution board in my hand asking every member of my family to write down theirs and get it signed. But,that was because I was asked to do it by my school teachers. I could never justify it but preferred to follow the instructions blindly. But, now I hate it. I mean how can you promise to do something for a full stretch of 365 days when you can't really confirm your today's evening  plans? This is ridiculous. Just to follow th...

I can't really recall the time when I wrote my first poem. But my parents tell me that I was in class 4. I remember rushing towards my parents with a piece of paper in my hand and reciting it with all animations. They told me I have a bright future in writing. It was a kind of nursery rhyme which I still remember word by word. I very fondly stole one of my father's blank diary and made it mine by entering my name and the first poem of my life. And today I have 3 diaries with more than 400 poems in all. Nothing changed except the promise that I was gonna have a bright future in this field. I still remember to fill those columns of "my aim in life" in my friends' slambook as "winning the GYAN PEETH AWARD" till class 9th. After that, I was consoled to give up the dream. Being a good student of mathematics, I was convinced to be born as an engineer. And by god's grace today I am an engineer indeed! But, you know priorities should never change. Dreams ...

Planning from past 6months to meet my kindergarten friend whom i haven't met since 7 years ....today finally was able to execute the plan when it was made for a movie. That's how the magic of multiplexes work! A mere 6 km distance which was not being able to bridge up from past 6 months...didn't even need a breath to confirm this time. But no matter where and when...the point is..that the purpose was completed. It was good to meet after 7 years at the parking lot and then rushing towards the ticket window finding our asses on the cozy chairs after 5 minutes and being together for 3 long hours alongwith almost 100 more people...! But thats how the system works today... Time is money and if you are investing it then why not on a blockbuster movie. Fair enough! Am i sounding like a frustrated 60's born middle aged woman...who is bucked up with this "YOUNGISTAN EFFECT"? If yes then I am sorry folks..lets groove back again and give me high five! You know, this ...

I as a school student was quite academically well-versed and by god's grace managed somehow to be actively participating in co-curricular activities too. My teachers always had high hopes with me and so did my parents. Struggling for every single mark, getting 100% attendance, following all the rules of teachers were some of my highlighted traits. But nothing can be even for long... as they say.  There was a time when I had my first board exams (class 10th)... The pressure was high and the clock moved like a bomb's timer. Nervousness,anxiety and frustration all had gripped from all sides. Confidence found a corner for itself but it had such small room that you can consider it to be negligible. Every classmate was a competetor and every new perception towards board exams question marked me. And in all this mess there was a topping on the cake in the form of my maths teacher. With all due respect,I would like to mention that he was interested in everything else than studies. And...

It happens most of the time that just in an attempt to grab today's happiness we let go our prized possessions evaporated in the air. And that is obviously such a disaster to our own life. May be you cannot see that for now but when its gone you can't undo it too. As far as I am concerned,it happens so many times that I take the assets of my life just for granted and go really unnecessarily out of the way for some temporary lanes of my journey. Never do I think what if I could try the 10% of those efforts for a really deserving and overwhelming reaction...something for which the efforts were meant to be. And still after so much of realization too, I know nothing is gonna change. I will be as dumb as always. Going into a deep thought you may find that most of the times we feel...that she/he is already there for me...no matter how good or bad i may be. So whats the need for the show-offs?? right? But what we call show-offs are some necessary expressions to say that "yes...

Hey... the bells are jingling...and the celebration is in the air. Santa is the most awaited guest on every doorstep today and every neighbourhood is looking forward for their share of gifts! And so am I...  My idea of celebration is to have a small outing with my sisters and to have a small yet great evening! Like every year..this year too I was wondering as to what to gift my young siblings...so that their christmas would be as wonderful as they themselves are... Trying to explore the planet of all available options I just picked up my scooty...and drove off! Alas...traffic jams were the first gift of the day for me...! As the City of Nawabs...Lucknow...is advancing...there are all new explorations that everyday you can get. One of them was a little.. hardly 4-5 year old boy wearing a dusty Santa cap...holding a stinking and dirty piece of cloth in his hand who started wiping my scooty off on the signal all of a sudden. I just tried to get rid of him at an impulse so that i do...

Well...to start with the experience I have to go in a bit of flashback. Yes, you all can imagine those grey coloured screens with the picture running in bits and pieces. My father has 2 brothers and 1 sister. In all,they are 4 siblings with my father being the second one. My grandfather who is a very good writer belongs to a well-to-do and spendthrift family. All his children including my father have daughters and there are no guys in the generation. My chacha(uncle) being the youngest one(and possessing one daughter too) just gave my burdened grandfather the "chirag" of his family....a grandson! He got his "lifetime achievement award"...and we got all the exclusive happiness we were deprived of...a brother! Yes this small little angel born on 13th december,2009 has a responsibility of 7 sisters in all and it was a function organised by his maternal grandparents that I had to go and attend in meerut. Now coming to the journey part,leaving on 22nd december from luckn...

I was just thinking what would I like to do to reward myself..just to make myself feel enchanted. And the instantaneous reaction was..."Give myself some time!" It might sound strange for it being the once in a lifetime award but trust me it deserves to be entitled the same. Sitting in my balcony with a toast in one hand and a large mug of coffee engraved with my favourite quote "HARDWORK NEVER KILLED ANYONE BUT....WHY TAKE A CHANCE!"...I was giving myself a sun bath in the warm daylight of winters. After a long long time,there was no laptop around... no mp4 sticked into my ears and no phone ringing in my pocket. There was only silence with some plants in different sized pots around me. Some spider webs were grabbing my attention as they shone with the sunlight every now and then. And since this was the once in a decade time when I had a chance to choose what to think...I was real confused amongst the angels and the demons. Anger-happiness,frustration-excitement and ...

You know what..being good is also harmful at times. No.. this is not a self appraisal blog and neither is it against any crunch of the world. Its just a mere fact..a big dotted fact! And you would also nod your head in the approval I am sure... as the writing proceeds. "Ohh...he is your friend?? Yeah fine with me...but you don't know the world. Everyone is here to befool you...to take advantage of you being a girl." "But dad...he is just a very very good friend..!" "Fine... do whatever you want to..but don't blame me in the future!" An 18 year old middle class girl who has shared her barbie doll's secrets to her first crush experiences to her dad is just entangled in those few words. God knows whats in her head. God knows what would be her next step. But she is a blind believer in her parents. She is not a great daughter or an imprisoned child. She is just a dependent child who has always thought and decided to follow the footprints. Next step....

Finally I found a way to meet myself. And to the readers (which i am sure i am gonna have gradually)...this is me! I always wanted myself to be a writer...a poetess...a fighter with her pen being her mightiest sword. But till now couldn't be any of it. I know..I am not dead and neither is life finished. I am just 23. And there is still lot more to do. Life starts where you want it to start. And for me this is starting. Writing in any way,on any level gives me just so much of pleasure that after this I can't ask anything more to possess. I would love to share whatever I have in me. And I hope I will be definitely what I always wanted to be!!