Being What I Always Wanted To Be.....

I have been trying to express myself on this animosity since Sunday night itself but could not find words for it. Words still are falling short but I have to say something just to be a part of it in action. A talented, young, strong girl who might have been amongst the star youths of India someday was brutally gang-raped in a moving bus in Delhi. Doctors say that they have never seen such brutality in sexual assault ever before. And the country is grieving. Law is struggling. The accused are still living...breathing. How do you expect someone to response on this? On top of it, when I read about the girl's will power to fight back all the pain and trauma that she is going through and appealing to live...makes me mum.  This is one of the cases which we have come to know. And thats maybe because the accused are not from a good financial background to get the stories hidden inside cover. So many women empowerment talks going all around the country....so many discussions an...

Sometimes you can't always have what you were supposed to have. It might be hard to accept but it happens with every other person that passes you by. There are so many things that one thinks of going back and changing in the past though there is nothing that can be done about it. Unlucky are those who cannot do anything in present as well to compensate the damage. Then is when things get devastated for them. Life is a fragile thing. And it is too less to tag it just with "Handle with care". It is more fragile than even a snowflake. And the irony is that... a very handful of people understand that. You see things slipping by your hand. You see life moving on. You see people growing up. Even relationships are not a permanent thing. They start, they grow and then they become so big that their roots have to be cropped in order to keep them alive! Such is life...such is its fragility...!

If you think of emotions, they are crazy. Crazier than even life! You can't explain a goddamn thing that you are feeling and yet you fight for it. Fight till the extent somebody lets you know it was not supposed to be fought for....coz it was not your possession. Possession, possessiveness and obsession...I think they all are over rated and wrongly related. They belong to completely different tangents and yet they are supposed to be inclined on the same line of a graph. People call it a graph of progression. But I do not agree. Coz it is not so. Those who have experienced it surely know that you can never explain the mismatch of what you feel and what you believe in. And it is too strange to observe that they rarely match (though they are supposed to).  Life does not come with instructions and hence your manual of treating life need to be updated every single day. Believe me...its damn tiring! And its equally annoying! But do you have a way out? Being inside LIFE a...

Some days.. everything pisses you off. Every person beats the shit out of you. All you do is yelling and killing your own self from inside but the doors are shut even tighter with a bigger lock this time. It is never about being loved. It is not even about loving someone. It is about being present. Being there. Being felt. Being chosen. Clocks keep ticking. Earth keeps spinning. Time flies by. All you are always left with.. Is a little more tears.. A little more cries.. Skies will keep on getting higher.. Mountains will keep on shining brighter.. Sun will warm you but never warm enough.. And thats when it goes rough.. Everything...so damn rough..! Just a little scribbling... :-/ 

There are probably 90% females out there who have suffered from eve-teasing atleast once in their lifetime. Some of them ignore the humiliation thinking it is not as severe as sexual exploitation, violence, rape or murder. But I believe there is no less humiliation in eve-teasing. There is also another thinking that the dressing sense of a lady invites men to hit on her or humiliate her publicly. But I ask...why??? If it is a country of equal genders, then shouldn't it be vice-versa too then? Shall girls also start commenting or harrasing men wearing shorts, vests or any other so-called "inviting" attire? It sounds disgusting and funny ..right?  So it does  when guys do it to girls. It is as ridiculous, disgusting and funny.  Another reason why this problem prevails is that women rely on men to protect them in such situations. They might retaliate to some extent but ultimately they somehow feel that they are the weaker sex. This strengthens the eve-teasing criminal...

Every one needs to be shaken and shaken hard to see what they had been pretending to ignore. Everyone knows what is happening around them, in their society but no one (including me) bothers to dig out the statistics and facts behind the crime. We spend almost our whole days on internet doing literally "nothing" ; at the maximum we read a few related articles but initiative is what we miss. A show as amazing as "Satayamev Jayate" has given me the means to be a part of the initiative today. It has touched me to the core which is why I am pouring my words in this post. Female foeticide is such a relevant and prevailing issue since past so many years. So many cases have come up. So many sting operations have been made. But nothing changed. None of it. And the fact which hit me the most was that the crime is committed by well-educated people like us in majority. Big cities have crime rates in terms of female foeticide much higher than small towns. And what for? No...

Its never 'completely' what you wanted! Its always atleast one step short of it. You think that you are sure of something...and the next minute you are 'told' that you 'assumed' it. You decide to just go for it...the next day every inspiration seems to be weaker to achieve it for now. Your days turn into nights and nights to few more days and you are more and more dissatisfied than the earlier day. Amongst all this, your companions ditch you (un)intentionally. You crave for being held by someone. You look for few valuable moments in other's life. And life starts moving ahead with double pace. You go unlucky again. Fighting with life and its ways is like testing in how many shapes can water flow. The moment you give up and think it is definitely done and over now, you will pop up with a new one. I know philosophy won't answer all this nor would it make it lighter. I know things will remain the same no matter whether I write this or you read it. ...

You always know the statistical fact. The "What is right" and "What is wrong" fact. But still your heart ruins it all. You go the wrong way...they way where you know that you have been bruised and wounded earlier. You have had a pretty painful experiences along that way in the past but you still wanna go that track. And once again...your hope loses and you get a kick again. This wound makes you cry a little more than the last time but still you are not sure if you don't wanna continue walking. A day would probably come when your heart and your body would not be left with an unmarked spot to hit upon. And by then it might get too late. Your immunity might have died. And your life might be on the verge of giving up. You would blame others ..the ones ...the rarest ones who have not hit you even once all the way..to have not stopped you from being hurt. But then they also knew that if they would have stopped you...you would have added them in your "people who...

There are innumerable situations when you have a big fight inside that grey matter of your head. Fights where truth gives you a slap and idealism begs you for respect. And its never too easy to take sides. Its like choosing between your own 2 children. You go for 1 for sometime but then your conscious shakes you hard to reconsider. You fight..and fight..and fight some more...but the result is "YOU LOSE"! Either way you are the one to lose. Either its the loss of your idealistic principles or the reality which you are ignoring. It actually depends on the weight of the topic also...how much it weighs for you, how much it weighs for your family and how much for your society. Whichever holds more importance...influences your decision. And its never "right" or "wrong". Its just a decision for which you are responsible and can't step back. For me, it has generally been idealism. It empowers me more than reality. Sometimes, I get paid well for it...and ...

There are stages in my life when I need a reality check. It hits me hard but it makes me ready for the next stage as well. What is the first thing which happens inside that head of yours when you give a commitment of friendship..of love to someone?.. When you know that this is gonna last till life! ..For me its a list of expectations... a behavioral pattern which I  assume  to be a part of the other person. But accuracy is only theoretical. And thereafter hits reality . Its okay if the other person has different ways of loving. Maybe its not that the person doesn't care, it might be that he/she does not know at all. Also, its never about who is 60 or who is 40. But no matter even if one person owns a 90 and the other one covers only 10..there are times when even that "10" weighs and you badly need it. There are times when you have the need..the urge not to be misunderstood. You want to be talked out. You want to be carefree of the way  in which you ar...

Well the topic might get offensive today...but I had to write about it. I also know that I am no one in terms of experience to comment on it too... but still... The confused parents which I find all around me these days makes me feel ridiculous at times. Ridiculous in the sense that even they don't know what do they want. Everyone of them has a dream to see their child being number one in academics. If the child manages to do so, they want him to excel in sports. If that is also achievable, how come the child is not into cultural activities? Some of them are so confused that they don't even let the child respond to their expectations. They just shove the child inside this roller-coaster and then never wait for the ride to stop! Till around 5-6 years ago, this craziness used to start generally when the child was somewhere above 18. But now...it starts the moment the child is admitted to a playgroup school. I am afraid that in an year..they will start kicking their asses ...

Life has made me lost my way "n" number of times. And every-time I could find a way out to the maze. No matter how much time it took me to solve the puzzle but I did make through. That confidence has kept me going since then. Sometimes I wonder how is it possible to be so many different paths to the same life. Or is it my hallucination? But no hallucinations and no disguises...life is right there..naked in front of you. The only challenge is to get to it...nothing more and nothing less. What..? Why..? When..? Is it..? Can it..? .. All these are very obvious questions. I have seen people getting scared at the mere thought of these questions popping up in their mind. But there is nothing to fear till this. The fear actually should arrive when there pops up a "what to a what" or a "why to a why". Then is when you went deeper into the mess. That is when you might get screwed. But then again for every level down there is always a level up. All you...

There are times when I get too itchy to know the truth. No matter even if I know that it is gonna hurt me...it might keep me thinking...but still the thought doesn't let me sleep till I settle down with an answer. Now thats a different fact that the answer makes me insomniac. Sometimes it gets too important to know where are you going? Is it making any difference? Has it changed anything? Does it matter to the other person with the same intensity? Have you been able to express yourself? Does the other person realises your love...your commitment towards him/her? And then when you gather the courage to take a stand to know....and finally get the answer....this blogpost happens! I have always been an over-thinking kind of species. Someone who likes to see the nano-particles of the object too. Someone who goes in the nth dimension possible so that it is ensured that nothing is missed...nothing which could have been the {pessimistic} case. Either there should be just "anxi...

Time grows a lot of things inside you. Submissiveness is one of them. For me, it has grown in abnormal counts. I am a normal person of innumerable and serious incapabilities. I like to be dependent and often the dependence disappoints me. I feel good to be loved...bad to be hated. My love for some very special people of my life is unconditional. I expect a lot and accept the fact the least number of times. I cry...I get disappointed...I fail...I succeed...I seek happiness...and I await a good day everyday. That all gift-wraps me into a common person's box. But still...I like to be considered outstanding. I know days are never the same...neither are the moods. I know there is a thing called impulse. And I know that I am bad at handling it. Today I am just in the mood of being a part of all my flaws. Being with my drawbacks and giving myself a shoulder when everyone else's needs an explanation longer than this blogpost. There is not a single person in the entire universe who...

I hate it when I become a mystery to myself. Its so irritating to be unpredictable. You just never know whats gonna happen in the next second. How are you going to react to a simple gesture or a major incident? But when I try to rethink on it after few hours or maybe few days...I find out that there is always a reason behind such unknowing days. Reasons which are there in your unconscious mind but you are just not bothered to deal with it. And when you want to give them attention...they are lost in the web of your thoughts and you become a mystery to yourself. It might be anything...missing someone, getting an unexpected reaction from a close friend, failing in something you thought you would be able to do, just a bad weather....it really can be anything! And ignoring it as soon as it pops up in your mind results in this- You go crazy unreasonably. And its even more irritating when people around you start behaving even more mysteriously. You are in a foul mood...they give you ...