Day 204 (Hardwork/Luck..!!)

Things shouldn't come too easy. A little difficulty keeps the thrill, adds the excitement and makes you proud of its achievement. Now if we think otherwise I might sound a little idiotic. What are you..crazy? .. People would say. You are getting something without working hard for it and you are unhappy about it? Yes I am.

To console myself in a superstitious way I might say that I would have done something good so this is a result I am getting. But I know deep inside that its all bullshit. Its a little luck thats playing me not rewarding me. And people get misled here.

My problem is satisfaction. Satisfaction of earning it is not what it is when getting it. And it gets hard to share when I am feeling otherwise. I won't like anyone else being special treated. And I treat myself as everyone else. Call it foolishness. I call it honesty and transparency.

If I don't have these traits, I might lose myself and might be lost forever too. No one would want that void.

All I need now is to keep that thrill alive no matter if its needed or not. I should not let myself go thinking...I know I'll get it.

The nervousness will keep me going...I am sure it will...   

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