Being What I Always Wanted To Be.....

Sometimes you are losing everything to just catch up your daily routine. That phone call that you had to return, that hilarious incident you had to share, that new t-shirt in your wardrobe had a month's anniversary there all alone, that book you had to finish, that friend you had to see on skype, that movie you had to re-watch, that long un-interrupted forgotten sleep, those silent talks, just holding hands, going for a long walk under the stars... Gosh ! It seems like a decade passed. You promise yourself every Friday to have a peaceful weekend. But then your official commitments kick those promises to next weekend. And the next one .. never comes ! So this weekend I thought to let some of the promises come true. Those couple of phone calls and catching up with friends was such a relief. These small things sometimes revive you for a long time. And it is never too late. Those who love you are always waiting for you and your time. So just revive yourself once in a while. It i...

Sometimes...it is not worth it. To go out of the way for someone when he just shrugs you away. To be committed to something when there is no future to it. To give away your time-out, your happiness for something which later mocks at your unhappiness. To be available for someone who had blocked you long ago. To expect out of nothingness. To work hard and then get a kick in the ass. To be physically incapable of being a part of something so tedious, but still torturing yourself ..assuming its your duty. To be "not" showing off and then getting comments on not being vibrant. To be right on line and then pushed at the end line. To be righteous in the world of falseness. To be emotional for a rock. To be tagged forever to something which goes away in a fortnight. To be exasperated at cold-blooded. To be tearful for emotionless. To be attached. To be a part of something that is nothing. To be hurt. To be disappointed. To be expressing. To be complaining. To...

I do not know why am I irritated? I don't know why is everything pinching me...pushing me to fight. It is just strange to be this way. Sometimes it is so that you miss so many people altogether. You don't know the reason exactly. Because you have never been so much bothered. You go feverish, noisy, impulsive and crazy. And this all is happening without understanding the background. Can something have that kind of effect on you that you can physically be shaky too? Probably. But there was no such big deal that happened! Then why??! No one knows why. And you try to cure yourself with medicines for your physical ailments whilst you are trying to find out the way to struggle and defeat your mind's uneasiness. It is a hard struggle with time injecting the confusions even more in your mind. Untangle yourself. Break free. Whatever happens...happens for good. Things are meant to go. Time is meant to move on. And so do you...  

Well... there are days when you are against the world. Or maybe its the other way around. Everyone you come across wants to push you away or bring you down. You look for friends and there are none. You look for support; there is none. You look for sensibility and again its none. You feel disoriented ... disconnected. Your words are falling apart in your mouth and then you are unable to understand why people are not getting you. You look for the mistakes that you could have done because of which you ended up here...like this. But none that you can remember. Doesn't mean that you are perfect. It just means you are not a sinner. Then why?! WHY !!?? No answer! You are just in a strange place and in weird state. Sometimes, you want someone to shake you up...to wake you up. But then who would waste their time for you? No one. Life seems like a cast away island. You, an open sky, withered sand and trees. That's all !! Empty..sad...isn't it? Well yeah it is how it is...

I am a north-Indian living and residing in South-India. Yes. This is how sometimes I have to introduce myself. Well...to start on this, first of all this is not an offensive post from my side. It is just about few pain-sides which I feel as an Indian sometimes. Dear South-Indians, To start with, I would just like to give a breaking news that South and North India both are a part of one and a single nation..INDIA! It might come as a surprise to you, because what I have learnt here is, that there are only 5 states in India- Karnataka, Tamil Nadu, Kerala, Andhra Pradesh and North-India. Well..it is not so. As about me, I do not know why do I have to explain where do I come from because actually Lucknow is the capital of one of the biggest states in India - Uttar Pradesh. Few of you have also asked me whether Lucknow is in Delhi. Well..I give up there ! Also, I know that your part of states has different languages, beautiful temples, colorful culture which I truly admire. But let me ju...

So I read this somewhere ... "I have PMS and GPS which means I will find you and I will kill you !! " ...and I was like "Exactlyyy!!!" Its completely impossible to explain this situation. Forget about guys. Even girls can't understand each other during this time. On this sentence of mine, one of my guy-friend once said "Nothing is impossible. Even impossible says I AM POSSIBLE". Well....we don't talk now! So, basically we females are irritated in this phase. That might be just the gist of it. Are we really irritated? We don't know yet. But we do search for irritation. We search it in random things. We search it in anything. All the stuff happening around us is happening just to irritate us..is what we believe. And god forbid if its an occasion during that time. Birthday, anniversary, new year, festival. We might just go global then! The silly part is that people will wonder what is wrong with this female? And we will be like...Dude...

Disappointment is cancerous. It eats you from your core. You know it when it is about to happen. Well you don't exactly know it...you have an intuition that it is about to happen. You console yourself by excusing the accuse out. You disentangle yourself from all the tangles by working it out in your mind. You keep your fingers crossed and just pray for a miracle to happen so that all this hardwork somehow goes in vain. Irony ! But it is such, that you want this effort of yours to actually fail. Because you know the outcomes. Well...this praying and finger-crossing doesn't work and it happens that what you thought will happen. Suddenly you also realise that the effort you had already put in was of no use. It was all crap. The accuse was not worth it. He was made to disappoint you and you probably deserve to be disappointed for being such a hopeless moron. You were hopeless because you let this happen. You were hopeless because you saw your intuition getting birth and taking l...

It is alarmingly strange that I am sitting in office ( doing office work ) but writing a blog-post which I right now do not know is going to be about what but I wanted to fill in something since quiet a while in it. Phewww....too much to say there in 1 sentence! Well I have so many controversial topics to blog about but then I do not have time for controversies right now. So thats a huge problem. You know....those initial days when you happily pass around your blog address like a pamphlet and you want everyone to visit and give their feedback. Slowly, that enthusiasm seems bullshit because there is so much you want to say at times but the audience gets offended too often and you don't wanna explain yourself that frequently. You then think about having a secret blog! Idea seems incredible but as soon as you create a new account, you start remembering your days when you were new to blogging. You created and customized your blog page with so much innocence and it has so much of...

That time of the year when people find you with swollen eyes in office and some might find you even dozing off here and there. And why not take such a risk? Its FIFA World Cup 2014 !! Comes once in 4 years and asks for just a month of your life. Worth it? Totally !! Everyone has their interests... but football fans...for us it is like something flowing in our blood stream. We can't be Brazil thats one thing. But we are as excited as any other south-american or European at present. There are no continents..or borders in football. It binds us as one nation..nation of football fans! For us, it is not just a game. Its a religion. We don't wake up to watch that last 3:30 am match just for the sake of it. We can't sleep without knowing what happened and being the live witness of it. However, those who don't have this craziness flowing in their blood stream find all this very weird. They give us names...crazy, out of their mind, and even call us show-offs. It has pissed m...

Gym-ing they said was a tough task to begin with. Keeping that in mind, I delayed it for a year. It was partly also because whenever I used to share my gyming motivational thoughts, people used to look at me point blank with awed eyes and then shoot the question "Why the hell do you need gym?". Well..my answer always remained the same " To put ON..and then to control it". Sigh! I don't know how many of them understood but finally I made this decision of joining a gym...without discussing it ! First day...and I was quiet excited. A lot of sweat around and I was the leanest of the lot. The gym which could go along with my pocket couldn't be a "fully-furnished" one so I had this agenda of just staying fit in average conditions. I enter the gym and my instructor stretches my leg to what seemed to me a 120 degrees ! I catch myself and do the stretching another 2-3 rounds and I am already disinterested. Then next there comes the best treadmill par...

Since we were kids... we were told that if someone helps/offers/shares something with you, you must say Thank You as a part of your courtesy. That is the least that you could do. And that was rule number 1. Then all those play-school kids started growing up. Their curriculum changed. Their syllabus enhanced. And so their concepts were a chaos. So now, all of them had different rules. Their own rules. Some one offered something to me...I guess he has his own benefit in this. Some one did me a favour, well no big deal ! I must have done some favours in the past which I might not be able to justify at the moment but they will nullify his good-will I'm sure. Some one went out of the way for me, he might be interested in my hidden treasures. Some one tried to guide me, he is trying to revise his own knowledge. Some one is not asking for monetary return for his help, he is a fraud for sure. Some one says that he almost gave his life to help you, he is exaggerating for my att...

I wish I could write something so stuffed yet so elaborated that could cover universal disclaimers of the world. But alas ! Seems impossible. What if say I write a blog post on a table. I put a disclaimer before that : Please note, this blog is not related to anyone who- has used a table before/currently owns a table currently or in past seen a table borrowed a table studied on a table knows what is a table But still I get a response from one gentleman who would say, I am not related to any of your disclaimer points but I have seen trees. From trees, wood cutter cuts and gets wood. Wood is sold into market. And that wood is used to make furniture including tables as well. Since I have this knowledge... madam, I am offended ! Another instance. I write a blog on my husband (Without a disclaimer as I have only 1 husband ! ) saying he is very nice and try to put his goodness and presence in my life into words. But no one comes to me saying madam, thanks for writing such ...

Sometimes I wish I were a guy. So that... Whatever I did including my office work or my own work say taking a bath for example would be considered as something very hard-working. I could get promoted just by having a smoke or two with my boss daily. Whenever I am upset, I could say that men can't cry and so they want sometime alone to overcome their emotions and for that matter I could forget anything in the world and I will be pitied upon. Even if I were a very open minded or kind soul, supporting modern women wouldn't change the perspective of my family for the girl they are looking for me but still it will get me respect from my wife. I could do nothing and say I tried everything. I could have holiday on a holiday. I could go to my home during vacations and get a family like treatment from my parents unlike my wife and then I could go to my wife's home and get a king like treatment from them. I could raise my voice whenever and where ever I want to and if I f...

Well ... it is very difficult to get a sane husband. And I have been blessed enough to get one who figuratively takes bath in sanity and perfectionism everyday :P Be it any situation. A bad day in office and he resolves everything by a 1-liner. God knows why I pissed myself off for it for 8 hours...I wonder later ! Stupidity in heights from relatives. And he generates some "X-men rays" and it gets reflected back from him. I never get to know that any such thing ever happened ! "That time of the month"...and he becomes mercury. Mercury as in...i can't poke him through and the more I would try to hurt him, he would dance around in the vessel and eventually make me laugh. Missing my friends? He arranges a get together. Or even more I would get 2 flight tickets to the friend's city. Plus when we meet my friends, I would not remember for few moments whether they are my friends or his? Stuck in traffic? He becomes Superman and flies through exactly...

Writing used to be fun. Situation-independent. Day-time-mood-schedule-independent. There was a thrive to write. There was a passion to blog. It was something to look forward to. It was the coolest ventilator and the hottest opinion-boiler. It was competitive and conservative altogether. It was a start. It was just a start... Now... its all an ongoing process. There is no destination to it which is content in a way. There has to be a reminder to push the button and once pushed, there has to be a considerable thought-process to the assertion. You might think that this all is wearing down is what I mean. No. Its exactly opposite I believe. I have learnt to stabilise I feel. My passion has elevated from achieving to growing. And for growing you need to camp yourself. You can't run all the time. You can't be just a racer. You have to travel through your skills. Your words. Their crafting. Their imagination. It has to be a steady river rather than a storming ocean. It has to s...

I was never a traveler initially. But then as you grow up... probably the world starts getting smaller for you. Your veranda isn't enough to play; you need a park. Your bicycle isn't enough to ride; you need a motor-bike. Your fountain-pen doesn't make you big enough; you need those fancy gel pens. Then you grow up more and then geographically you feel clogged up ..sometimes bored. You take a random trip maybe within a 500-1000 km of your place and suddenly you find it refreshing. And then you wonder...why didn't I do it before ever? Well...I don't know if it happened with other "lately-declared-travellers" but thats my story. So, then I traveled a little in India... going a little further than 3000 km too and I found it interestingly interesting enough to continue the adventure! One day...out of my utter reluctance also, I got a chance to visit outside country as well. It just gave me wings you can say. I had missed out on a lot of things for hal...

I am a "tomboy" and I have a few confessions to make. First of all we don't like being called "tomboy" because it sounds ridiculous and god knows who the hell invented this great word. Secondly, the person should have been gender-unbiased and should have created the same male title for it too..maybe a "timgirl"..!! They call men who have some "feminine" activities or likings as "gays". Now if the guy is gay, he doesn't care, no matter what the reason is for them to call him that but he is okay being a gay. On the other hand, if he isn't a gay, he would just prove it to them someday, by having a girlfriend, or getting married... having kids and leading a happy life without a male partner. For a "tomboy" girl, she might die with the same tag. But, we ..whom you entitle as tomboy and smile over it...I want to give you a moment of truth here. You chose to call us "tomboy" because we might not have a nai...