Being What I Always Wanted To Be.....

People weigh a lot. There own weight might drop by few pounds in between....but they don't care! Being judgmental is just their "thing" . So that forces the person being judged to get a chance of self-rating. And I got a similar chance. No matter what gets approved further...but here is my "thing" ... I believe that Possessiveness is just a virtue. Obsession becomes the character. What itches me is to GPS myself in between! Its okay to feel bad not to be attended. Its okay to wish to get back what you desired to give. Its okay to be uneasy not to be in the tick-tock of the clock. What gets judged is the reaction to these actions. But then its also okay not to like the judgment or the "judges" . Its just okay to be you and accepting yourself your own way. Intrusion is just injurious to health.  

Has it ever happened to you that when you are told to do something, you get an urge of not doing it irrespective of the fact that probably you were thinking of doing it in the first place? Well...that was confusing ...right? But on a serious front, I don't know how many of you have faced this weird crazy attitude inside yourself that you say no the moment you are told to say yes for something. It doesn't matter at that moment what you actually wished for. What you thought was supposed to be done. Whether you wanted to do it in the first hand or not. But its just the obsession of saying NO at that moment. For me, I never like being told! I prefer doing things anonymously and wanna save the trouble of getting any feedback over it. Probably it is because I do things from my heart. And for me they are done the best way they could have been done. And I don't like to send it for scrutiny for further examination. Be it anything. Doing a minor household work or a major offi...

Like everyone else...sometimes I also screw up! :( And then when I get to know what I have done...it becomes too late. But now I believe that its never "too late". Every stupidity has a solution. And every question has an answer. It just depends whether we wanna go for the solution/answer or not. The best way to deal with these situations...as per my experience...is to just deal with it. Sometimes what we do is..we choose to go with the flow without considering where is it flowing towards! And then is when we draw our crests and troughs. Its easy to go with the flow maybe...but its better to shake your brain a little bit and think before flowing. Thats what is called "dealing with". Its harder to understand in theory probably but much easier to indulge yourself into. Just be patient and calm...rest will itself be taken care of..! :-)

Ohh...are you wondering...what has happened to me? Too frequent posts..! Have I lost my job? Did my routine had a re-scheduling? So the answer is NO. Neither have I lost my job nor has my routine turned to the "idle-state". Its just that when people tell you that they "miss" your writing, you get the zeal back again. Zeal to write and to manage time. Hobbies are something for which everyone takes out time anyhow. And this is much more than just a "hobby" to me. Those who have been reading my posts from Day 1 know that. So...I decided to Be What I Always Wanted To Be  with a little shorter breaks! :-) And it sounded and feeling real good to me. I remember a time when I actually used to scribble whatever I felt like. I have this stupid diary (which I recently found out) when I used to write one-liner stupid stuff like.. "What does mummy think? I am stupid? I can't learn that simple equation. I will score the highest in that subject and then ...

I remember a time when knowledge was fun for me. Being intelligent was my idea of boasting. Falling sick for a day made me sicker when I realized that I won't be allowed to go to school today. When 'Library hour' was actually 'Library hour' and when time was packed! And now...knowledge gaining is just about what is required. It becomes a liability to be aware about things. Life is too busy to enjoy music, watch movies or if nothing...just lay idle. I can't compare the phases. Because the scenario is too difficult to recreate. But then...something has changed. Something has either upgraded/downgraded. But there has definitely been a change. At times, I wonder if this all means that I have changed. I do not realize when my habits overpower my persona...and ... I am swapped! All I feel is that small things create big differences at times. Differences which should not differ us from the last time we understood ourselves. Rest of the life is just awesome! :...

"Running away is not a solution"... I always knew that. Hence I moved on. In the beginning it was like I thought that I had moved on. Then gradually, I was told that I have definitely moved on. Eventually, I absorbed that Yes ...I have moved on. But I believe its a relative term. And erasing doesn't really describe it contrary to the expectations. I have what I deserved. And I feel content with it. But the idea of "What if"  always allures me. My well-wishers doesn't really appreciate my "greedy" notion but sometimes it just keeps me going. You never know what you really desired...what you actually wanted till the time you have lived a life over it. That doesn't mean that you got stuck somewhere. Its just that it was always a kind of trail. An invisible one. I know I am sounding mysterious. But believe me...thats not the intention at all. It is how I am feeling. And its how I am able to express. Is that a crime? 

We often ignore the small assets of life. True but we ignore the truth too. A call from a long-lost friend... A long mail after a long time... A friend teasing you over someone... A totally unexpected surprise from someone who cares for you just too much... ..... There are just so many of them! But we all forget all this and remember the big things A promotion missed to get... A fight with the parents... A t-shirt for which there was not enough money in pockets... And what not??? Thats lame! But thats how we react. Thats how I react most of the times. But life is beautiful. And its beautiful in its own way. Don't search the beauty in the obvious things. Because thats obvious that you are not gonna find it there. A step you take towards life, another step life takes towards you. But what people generally want is to just hang there and wait for life to move on. Thats not gonna happen. And that should not happen as well. You have to smile to get a smile back. Y...

People have their own techniques of handling frustrations. I have three- 1. Be alone and cry for a while ( I call it tears for rage) 2. Mess everything up ( which doesn't actually help much) 3. Take that frustration out on somebody else. Now the third method is the most unfair one, but it satisfies me to the core. It vents out everything. Everything which was clotted and everything which could have clotted. But sometimes, I don't get a victim to face it. And I feel so helpless...so handicapped! I remember a scene in this movie I saw lately Guzaarish . There is a scene where Hrithik (being a total handicap) was lying on bed and was highly frustrated over something. There was a vase kept on a table in front of his bed and he wanted to smash it down to the floor. Just to vent out..! He asks Aishwarya to do that for him. But she refuses. Gosh...that helplessness!!!! I could feel the same at so many moments of my life! I just want to smash that vase so hard....but I am so c...

I used to think once that compromise is a complicated word. Dislikes sometimes re-word as compromise. Attitude hides behind compromise. And above all... Adjustment is a big-time synonym of compromise. But no! When you think alone...when you define in a multi-dimensional parameter...compromise is much bigger than all these. Its not just an adjustment or a discomfort or a mere deviation. Its killing your instincts and living someone else's life. A life where you say what the other person wants to hear. A routine where you convince yourself to do what you are doing. Its also assumed that when someone else is doing it for you...its adjustment or a minor change for his/her own good. But when its you...it becomes a sacrifice! Does it? I believe if you are not habitual of lying to yourself...if you know that person who you see daily in the mirror...you would know. You would know whats happening. No matter what people say or claim. You know it inside. Its just that everytime it...

Reality hits real hard...ohh yes it does! Its like a full size mirror being smashed to the floor and broken into millions of pieces. You can't even see through them. Same happens when relationships meet fantasies. When friendship meets promises. When expectations meet truth. We live in a real world...ohh no...wait a minute! We BELIEVE that we live in a real world. But the truth is that even a glimpse of reality is hard to live. We live in comfort-zones. We live in fantasy. We live in coziness. We live in everything but reality. You meet someone. He looks sensible enough. And then you expect him to be always-sensible and righteous. You become friends with someone. He stands with you in a couple of bad times. And then you can't tolerate if he pointed out your mistake some day. And .... smasshhhh..! There it goes! There goes all the reality. Right beneath your thumping feet. Goshhhh....true..! True that realities are damn real...! But I just wish they weren't! sigh....

What an awesome day it was...aaaahhhh!!! :))))) Someone said it right... a great day compensates a bad week. For me...it has happened so many times that when I am bugged up, disappointed, fed up and just on the verge of giving up, something amazing happens! Something that recharges me...gives me energy to fight back with smile on my face. Something that helps me to go on with happy leaps and hip hip hurrays !!! And then I see those who loved to see me cry...getting me irritated and spoiling my mood. Guess what do I find out..? On my every happy leap...they are limping with pain and agony! Can you guess what that feeling is called....??.. no..?? ...It is.."Legen.."...wait for it..."daryyy"..!!! :))))) Yes its true that we should be happy for our victories and not others' failures... but if their failure means "no more tears" and "no more frowns" on my face..then why shouldn't I be happy? If someone's happiness is in my agony...

When there comes a long period since I have written something...I feel incomplete. So here I am once again...to 'fill' myself and to 'vent' myself both at the same time. Passion is this strange thing which matches contradictions like these two simultaneously and then resolves everything! Sometimes, when I am alone and I look back trying to find out who all brought me till here where I am...who gave me strength, patted my back, gave me that one last push, wiped my tears, brought me smile and had been there always ...there is none "all" except one who matched all the criterion. And reminding her name to my blog after a long ..long time...its my soul friend A kansha.  I can't fill this little space with all that she has done. Moreover, since we both know about it...there is no point in trying to accommodate it in few less-deserving words! Its just that I couldn't stop myself from mentioning it here. We have been there since always...and have known ...

I have felt this in all these years that even a million reasons fall short sometimes to make you happy and just a single reason is good enough to bring tears in your eyes. And somehow it happens that people generally search that 'one reason'! Strange..isn't it? Nobody wants to be unhappy ideally but still they can't convince themselves to smile. I find smile in writing, reading, talking to the ones I like to share my life with, listening music, being alone... But still, this all isn't good enough for me. I need more. I want more. And when I ask myself, what do I exactly mean by 'more'...I go dumb! But its all in our minds...purely psychological. Life doesn't stay for anyone nor is anything permanent. So, its better to keep alternatives in order to keep going. The more...the better! All you have to learn is keep switching. Something makes you feel doomed, switch on to something else...something to divert your mind because only you know yourself the b...

I have seen people who crave for love, care, friendship, attention and what not! All I fail to understand is how can they 'crave' for it? All these beautiful emotions are earned. They can not be 'snatched from' or 'hide within'. But those who fail to understand their value are at permanent loss in life. Trying to define such beautiful moments/experiences seconds the list of blunders. It juices out all the flavours of the rainbow it creates and people again misunderstand it with their misfortune! Some things are just not meant to be elaborated. They are felt, enriched, nourished and then multiplied to revert back to the one who blessed you with it. They are just beautiful and beauty can't be touched or created. Stop running after them and they'll follow you effortlessly. Enjoy being loved, cared, being the bestest friend to someone and getting pampered! Don't try to answer.. What if...When will...or Why not!!! Just close your eyes and breathe......

I know there have been thousands of blog-posts on the topic already and I am certainly not going to write anything new here. But being itched to write on something and not getting a chance to do so has compelled me to do my 'bit'! Anna Hazare....a man who completed my wish of living pre-1947 and being a part of India...I mean a true part! He who compelled me to think beyond office, friends, relatives, facebook...and even World Cup! He who gave me the honour of watching the history being created! He who told me that the citizenship to a country doesn't only mean a Passport or Voter ID card. What he did doesn't need to be reminded. On the contrary, it would be unforgettable for hundreds of generations ahead. What needs to be reminded is...a 71-year old man is bearing the weight of 1,155,347,678 people out of which 40% is us...the youth!  Shame on us that a man who gave us independence 64 years ago has again taken the initiative of gifting us freedom.   'Following...

These days what 'is in' and what and when it 'goes out' can't be defined. An ipod of 10k bucks which was literally fought over to be possessed last month gets replaced by the next demand of an iphone. A laptop which once used to be a dream now seems of outdated configuration. Scooty needs to be replaced by a car and car would need to be replaced by private jets quite soon. And thats because style statements can't be compromised with anything else in the world. One of the weirdest style statements (where majority compromises of guys) is eve-teasing. Its a common scenario if a girl is on her way to somewhere and some body-hugging-and-local-rainbow-colored-sunglasses-wearing jerks pass comments on her or maybe throw papers or puff smoke on her face. Chasing a girl riding a scooty by the typical DHOOM bike-riders is another chapter of the same weirdo statement. The ugliest and the biggest jerks are those who enjoy hitting (which they define as touching) the girl ...

Someone recently asked me "Why do people realize the value of a person in their life when they lose them?" I could not answer then but then later on I gave it a thought. Before trying to find out the answer to the question, I felt that the question itself is not right. Is it really true? Is it true that when we have a person in our life we don't know his worth? We don't care? The thing is when people go...those who love them can't show the emptiness they are feeling. They can't express their agony...their sorrow. And then there are those who have a matrix of infinite adjectives for all that could have been done...all that they did....and all that the others didn't do. They even forget the question that they asked. And they themselves don't realize the value of a person whom they have there with them right now. All they express is the pain that they feel because others feel nothing according to them. Love can't be proved. It can't be stamped ...

I have come across a persistent issue (I sound so much like an IT professional) which has been there since forever and it seems its not gonna find a solution for itself as well! And it is "Generation Gap".  How and where did this concept start...I had never known and neither do I wanna know it. But what bothers me is its definition. Two people with different perspective hide under the pillow of "generation gap" and find a way to stick to their ideas of perfection. Who decides whether the mindset or perspective is correct or does it need to be altered? No one. And thats because if someone would try, he/she would again become a part of one of the either generations. And hence...it becomes easier to blame because there is one crime and multiple criminals! Few years back..I read it somewhere that nothing is right or wrong when opinions are concerned. But one should learn from his/her own experience because that kinda experience holds more weight-age than anything else...

I just got this hair-raising news of setting ablaze the senior district collector  Yeshwant Sonawane by few mafia criminals . And I am hell shocked and numb! Is it a shame? ...A terror? ...A slap on the face? What is it actually?  People are saying that he is a martyr now. Is he? I don't think so. He just is a poor victim of few inhuman and powerful mafia dons who believe that India and Indians are fond of dictatorship. They do whatever they want because according to them, its their turn to become the majesty! And thats the reason they didn't even think twice before committing such a horrendous crime. Probably, they believe people will say, may be scream, media will get a good news, it'll be the headlines for few days...and then what? Everyone would move on! Would we? Can we? Its so easy to close your eyes to avoid the world....and believing that since you are not facing them, they can't see you either. Running away, avoiding and then moving on is not the solution. I...

There are certain things in life which we feel or rather assume that we don't like. We also take the liberty of predicting it for future as well that we are not gonna like it...at any cost! But thats stupid...really! It used to happen with me that I used to claim over certain "dislikes" and "disinterests" in my personal aspect. I never thought why do I dislike it? - Maybe because people generally expected me to do it and I don't like behaving as expected - Maybe because I never tried once to like it as well. - Maybe because even if I try it...I won't do well. And when I re-analysed these two reasons, I realised that now its almost impossible to justify myself because these two points are insensible to tag something out of your to-do list! And today, I started with one of those things- cooking! Yes...I thought that I hated it. I would do it when there is no other option and I had done it as well in those conditions. But I would never be happy to ...

By now, anyone who has ever read any of my posts must be knowing that I just love to write! I can write simple stuff, crazy stuff, sensible stuff, insensible stuff, personal stuff, impersonal stuff or anything...just anything. Nothing restricts my writing...not even myself and I am proud of it! There have been times when people have guided me as to what to write, when to put a full stop or a comma at the least. But I don't listen..at all... and then again I feel proud of myself. :D I always believe that its you who know what do you love and how do you love it? People have different opinions because they love in a different way. But they don't understand that for seeing/finding what they love, they have to work for themselves. No one else would serve them on the platter. They can appreciate or discourage whatever they read. But they can't suggest what the writer should write. And thats because he/she is a WRITER. And he/she chose to be so for his/her own satisfaction. A ...

I just lived a dream in past few days and I don't wanna wake up ever! :) Yes...as the title suggests, I was in Mumbai! Mumbaiii...the city of dreams, culture, local trains, huge buildings, sea-sides, bollywood and what not. You name it and you have it. The list is endless! I couldn't blink my eyes. And that was not because the city is so dream-looking or fancy. It was because I couldn't believe that such a small part of the planet can have so many things going altogether at the same time. You wanna be with yourself all on your own...Mumbai is the place. You wanna be crowded all the time...guess what..?...Mumbai is the place once again! Its both strange and unbelievable. There is this strange misconception or general opinion that if you are not a Mumbaiyya, then you'll only go for becoming an actor or a model there. People are cunning there. Anyone can make a fool of you and you wouldn't even notice. And above all, its not safe for girls to be in the city all al...