Being What I Always Wanted To Be.....

Some days mark historical events in your life. Such was this day for me. I got to meet THE Dr. Kiran Bedi. And I don't think that I need to introduce her to my readers here. As simple as any other woman but as strong as any other man out there. Her words, her knowledge, her experience reflects the education which she has received. And I am not talking about the qualification/degrees here. I am talking about the real education...which most of us have lost somewhere. True were her words today that "if you wanna get inspired from someone, sure...go ahead...do that! But you should role model for yourself. Don't imitate anyone because your are just one in piece...there is no replica." I know that different people have different views for the lady but I believe that with good work comes prosperity and prosperity leads to fame. And there are two sides of this fame. Take it or leave it but they will follow you. The bottomline should be "Should I care?". Question...

Someone told me once that you should never leave anything incomplete without giving it your 100% atleast in one of the attempts. And since then... I did the same. I gave 100% to all my relationships...everyone whom I met in my life...be it a friend, a relative, a stranger or anyone. And what a pity...till today I cannot decide which one have ended and which one have still heartbeats left in it. I did all I could to make it the best out of me. Thats all I knew. But then, everything doesn't work on assumptions. I never say that I have done something extraordinary but I just wanna see someone else apart from me doing it once. I never say that I couldn't have done better but I just wanna ensure that it would have made any difference. I am unable to find the right adjective. Is it brutality or is it disgust? Moreover, my senses tell me that I should be far...far away from all this. All that I am thinking or I choose to think preferably. But..you know, this sensibility doesn...

Sometimes, its like I am blank for few days as if what to write and what not... and on the other days, I am overflowing with thoughts. Today is such a day when I have to write a lot of things but I am quite indecisive right now as if which thought should I approve to be scribbled? I take certain things as self-explanatory. I assume them to be understood because- 1. They are obvious (the whole world can see it then why not a person who knows me so well) 2. I don't have words and paragraphs and speeches for every action of mine. But, it pisses me off when I realise its far from being obvious and that its getting a totally opposite reaction. Thats when, things which I aspire to do take a backseat. I am not left with much interest to go on with the idea. And life stays stagnant for me once again. Sometimes, I feel that may be I have learnt too soon. Because the world seems to lag behind somehow. When the stage comes for them, I realise it has been a historical situation to me. ...

People find different ways to hurt the ones who care for them. They get so inhuman that it amazes me of their once-existed humanity. On one hand, when you have tried to live with few important facts of your life no matter how hard and impossible they are....on the other, you are continuously reminded of them in the name of a A KIND ADVICE. If you have a broken heart, how if your ex comes to cry on your shoulder for his new girlfriend who has just left him? If you are feeling lonely since long, what if your mom takes out all her office burden on you by scolding you on every little thing you do? If your boss has been torturing you with inhuman workload, what if you get sick on top of it...and at that day, you are made to work for 14 hours a day? And all this can happen. It actually happens many a times. And thats when you go in deep pain. Pain which cannot be explained and if tried to...it will lead to just some giggles and "how-silly-of-you" comments. So its better to ...

Everyone has a limit to the extent where his/her patience can be tested. A point beyond which its not possible to stretch yourself....because if you would...then you would break down...both physically and mentally.  And thats where a little pat on the back works!!! Its a pat on the back...which can make you cross the horizons. Its that ultimate thing which compensates all the kicks on your ass. All your efforts and contributions seem to have been acknowledged. Its a kind of magic that works in the worse of worst situations. And thats why I feel so blessed. Acknowledgement is all that counts for me. You wanna encourage me? .....Just tell me how you feel! Thats all that would work.  I have seen people who ask for returns in the materialistic terms. Give them an increment, a gift or anything that they can show to the world...it would make them the count/countess. But they don't understand that its all a matter of time when it all deteriorates to ashes. Its the words and recog...

I heard about people suffering from uncontrollable situations.... Situations where things go out of your hand.. Situations where all you can do is compromise... Situations where you feel handicapped! I am exactly facing the same. I can't give a detailed explanation of how and what happened.... neither do I want to...but I am just writing it out so that I can share the guilt of being so helpless. Although..I know its Diwali and people are supposed to be happy and cheerful but somehow...my Diwali is ruined. Well-planned and pre-planned things have never worked for me throughout my life but it has never crashed this bad as well. I feel cranky,irritated,pissed off and what not! Especially...since I know how amazing it could have worked out. Sometimes it happens that the same source of all the irritations and bad moments has given you some great and best people as well but its just that the pains and tears overpower the good things and you disobey to treasure them. And thats bec...

There is something which I have been willing to put up here since ages. I don't why did I keep postponing it? It might be my priorities of discussing my things over here before anything else. But this is serious guys!! As serious as for any other single girl out there like me. Now I know....that I caught your interest there! ;) Well...then let me come straight to it. I have had an interesting observation which had undergone a deep thought of amusement and wonder since past many months. I don't know whats your take is gonna be on it but it might be a revolution unplanned. Well...wherever I go...be it malls,restaurants or other hangouts I find some real hot guys who look perfectly in single-ready-to-mingle state. But then, as soon as I start to admire any of them I find another guy (again a hottie) accompanying him hand-in-hand! Yes you heard me right! I don't know whether any of you reading this have had to witness a disaster like this before but trust me its more devast...

There are many people I know who just love to travel. Some are as crazy as freaks that they can go anywhere just for the sake of travelling. And I can never understand what makes them feel so good about it??? How can someone be happy in stinking coaches, amongst variety of weirdos and clock ticking with a speed of 100 hours per second! By now,everyone might have realized that I HATE TO TRAVEL..!!! It makes me feel frustrated,disgusted and tired for a prolonged period as a gift of its "after-effects". By some coincidence,I have never traveled a lot as well but being a hosteler for 4 years in a place 5 hours from my native city I have done a lot of ups n downs in that duration. And trust me...every time it was worse than HELL. I have considered it as the curse of my bad-deeds in life. There is this one of my craziest friends who is like a real freak when it comes about travelling. We have been friends for a period longer than we can remember and still its impossible for ei...

I have seen people who get connected in fraction of seconds. Some of them take years as well. But in none of the cases are there any similarities except that its all about heart! I met one of those kind of people a few months back when I started working. She was the assigned mentor for us for the training period. And what a mentor...I must say! A perfect admiring personality to start your first day at work and to follow the culture in the following days. For me... she has always been the ideal from day one. I look up to her till date for maintaining such an amazing profile from past 5 years of work. I have tried to learn from her to manage things, to be yourself...come what may and to handle things the best possible way. But now, our training has been long over and in a few days she'll be transferred to some other city. When I got the news,then was when I realised that there was a personal connection which was somehow pumped up in between and thus...I am gonna miss her very ..v...

This post is dedicated to all the daughters all around the world as today is a day for them to be proud of themselves. You know...I read it somewhere that "A son is a son till he gets a wife...but a daughter is a daughter throughout her life!" And its so true! No I am not being biased here. And I do not mean to offend anybody as well. There are few of the exceptional cases where things are just the opposite way but as a general view....and as an experience through which I have learnt...the above thought says it all. A country where in many geographical parts... female infanticide is still persistent, where the birth of a girl is still presumed to be the curse of God and where girls are still meant to just get married as soon as possible and bear children, its important to celebrate such a day more than anywhere else.  I have seen families who are so proud of their son, give him fancy education and all the luxuries of the world and then somewhere sacrifice or hesitate to do...

Sometimes it happens that someone very close to you,whom you trust blindly,love more than anyone else and who is your bestest friend ever....hurts you so bad unintentionally that you can't get over with that so easily. You understand that... thats not what he/she meant and neither was his/her intentions. But till then,it might be too late to absorb it inside you.... as the HURT must have taken over everything. You feel shattered! Trust me its not another pessimistic post of mine. Its just that I wanna tell you people that we should not take things the wrong way and hurt ourselves so much without a reason being intended to it specially when we know that it came out from the mouth of such an integral part of your life that you can be damn sure of his/her respect for you. Probably,I have been on the opposite side of the table many a times. I have hurt many people close to me specially Akansha... to such deep core that it went far beyond apologies and guilt. But then I knew that I...

What if....everything seems beautiful to you? You find happiness and smiles everywhere and you don't care why. You can feel the sky being blue and the world being so colourful. You start caring about what you wear...and how you look ;) . You plan a new plan everyday but then at the end of it...you are always left unplanned. You start experiencing the poles-opposite split personalities of Sherlock Holmes, Julia Robert and Snow White. You really can't decide how and why have you undergone this drastic change but you wish to last it forever. You write and write....and write endlessly and you don't even care whether it makes any sense. You just smile when someone demands an explanation and go mute when you think you have zillions of statements on your tongue.  The bad old places suddenly seems to have been renovated overnight and appear brand new. You don't feel tired even after working for endless hours and even after undergoing the torture of some over-torturous compan...

There are some people in your life without whom you can't manage at all. Be it your super excitingly happy moments...or it might be the worst phases of your life; whether you show it or not,but you need those people there...by your side always. For me,there is this one person who tops the list...and that is my soul friend Akansha. Unfortunately,she is going through a tough time these days....due to some could-be-mentioned reasons and some unexplainable ones as well. The could-be-mentioned reasons include the hectic,tiring and irritating hostel woes. And more unfortunately, this is one of those superlyyy--duperlyyy exciting phases when I need her by my side badly, where she listens to my unending non-sense and get tired and sick enough of it to say "acha ab bakwas band karo...mujhe padhne do!" But alas..!!! I just want to convey through this that  Dear... I really really miss you. I miss your laughs,your smiles,your naughtiness and your irritations. I miss sharing th...

Starting off with a note of apology,I would like to apologise for my last post as it was one of the weakest moments in my life when I became over-impulsive and as usual not-so-good-at-handling-things. I am not deleting it because people should know my blunders as well. Now moving on,I would give you a brief one-liner for my birthday which was last Sunday i.e. 12th September- "It was amazing!" It was all unexpected and out of the blue and I thank everyone who made it  that special  for me ! It happens many a times that if we have to choose between cribbing and appreciating, we always choose the former one. Why? Because thats the easiest way out. It requires lesser efforts and results in greater satisfaction. But thats something really weak on our part. Someone told me "if you love someone and that you really do....then all you would remember about him/her would just be the bestest moments you have ever had together." So thats how it should be taken. Make it ...

Well....I don't know what actually compelled me to write this post today and at this time , but I had to write it anyhow. People talk about friends who actually are connected through the strings of heart. They feel whats going inside each other and words are far beyond the language in which the two bestest of buddies talk. They know it,when you can't say it. They can find the pain in your harshness and tears in your screams. They never question you about how,when,why and what. They just give you all the answers. But is it really that way? Does relationship with "no complaints and no demands" actually exist? No. Definitely not. Its always like at one point of time they become the part of the rest of the world where your silence becomes your rude behaviour towards them and then the question comes "why and till when should they take it?"  To be simple and straight....there is no one in this whole wide world who is gonna die for you. Or for that sake atlea...

Well....writing is something which is much more than just a part of my life. But,I also realize the fact that I can't vent out "everything" here. There comes a restriction and limitation due to innumerable reasons. Call me coward or diplomatic or whatever...but I would answer in one simple line This is how it is.  Thats why...at times when I know that I can't scream out the minutest details of the storm happening inside me...I read something which plays as a pseudo audience for me. Something which I find really close to me and I believe that somehow through this characterization, people are listening to me...reading me... which becomes more of a necessity rather than just a habit. It works as a catalyst for me to keep breathing. And when I can't find even that....I feel handicapped. Its a feeling as if...you are in a state of coma where you can see and hear everything but can't retaliate to it. Thats how its happening with me. For now,I am in a deep crisis ...

It has just happened recently that I am not going through a very good or stable state of mind. Sometimes I felt like crying out loud but never did I feel like talking it out or sharing it with anyone in the whole wide world. And thats normal too. There are certain things you don't wanna have a conference on. You wanna deal it with your own skills and capability. And then since you have chosen to do so...it becomes your responsibility that no one questions your "masked-happiness".  You need to be that determined about  it. And trust me..I am a pro at it...when I really decide to do so. And thats what I was doing. I was sounding perfectly happy and cheerful. Nobody could sense whats happening. And it was not necessary as well. But then...you really feel disappointed when these sincere efforts also get raised fingers! And the raised fingers doesn't imply to those matured ones who could feel that I am just pretending to be happy-go-lucky...but those who were so immatur...

Sometimes..it becomes so difficult to be private. Everyone is poking you at every other act of yours...and this is so irritating..!!! Everyone has a damn right to have his/her own perception. Who is anyone else to ask for justifications or give judgments??? People always love to interfere. Just knowing a bit of it cooks up a whole story and their intuition becomes their act of witness. You feel ridiculous watching these monkeys at a time but then you have your whole life to look after... so you throw it to the backseat. But then its human to get distracted....to not be allowed to live in peace. Why should I tell everyone the reason for doing anything and everything? Why??? Why should I explain each and every perceptions of mine? What for??? What does it has to do with anybody else? And by anybody...I mean ANYBODY..!!! Oh common...please just grow up and mind your own business. Have some time to spare on yourself too. That'll give both of us some mental peace. I ...

I didn't wanna do this today...I swear! I didn't wanna scribble things down. I didn't have the energy to do it but God knows why,how and when do I go bizarre about things. Anyway..tell me...lets suppose...you are in a deep blue sea. The waves are storming like a terror today and are fighting to tear you apart. You know how to swim but you don't know in which direction to swim. The black water has caught hold of you right in the middle. You can't even judge gravity for now. What would you do? You know...whats your enemy here. You know....how to fight? What you just don't know is which way to fight...which amongst the techniques do you choose? And then you realize...its not the pain ..or the coming death which you are fighting with...its the meager chances of survival which you are fighting against. The enemy is not that obvious. And you were in a delusion. You realize that you are afraid of being saved . You wanna drown that bad  because thats the only wa...

Well..I came yesterday as well to write a post but since Chanz's tag caught my attention so here I am now... It was quite a stagnant weekend for me...the literally "nothing to do" weekend. But these two weeks were quite a nice experience including all the ups and downs . And I am gonna talk about only the ups here...as downs should be dumped as soon as possible. Well....I got a very creative and "according to my liking" assignment luckily in the past few days which although  consumed a hell lot of my time and energy but gave me an inner satisfaction and joy as I completed it. True.. that something done straight from the heart can't be replaced by any other thing in the world. And if it gets appreciated as well...then its the topping on the cake! So that was something wow!! Apart from this...the office people had a party last week as well....which went quite amazing. There was dancing,mimicry and what not! Everyone had the time of their lives and it ...

Well...its another weekend...and since this time...I am literally in a "nothing to do" state...this tag couldn't get a better replacement. I first of all thank chanz  for that. She has been one reader who have stood by all my good and bad writings and I feel connected to her posts as well most of the times. So,without any exaggeration...let me start on with the tag... Ten how’s: 1. How did you get one of your scars?   I fell down (or rather pushed by a jealous classmate) in my school ground in class 7th and my wrist watch broke and the glass poked inside the skin. I still remember the day... 2.  How did you celebrate your last birthday?   I was waiting for my job joining date...received a lot of calls...and in the evening had dinner with family and relatives. 3.  How are you feeling at this moment?   Disgusted and lost. 4.  How did your night go last night?   I don't really remember.   5. How did you do in high school?   I was a goody g...