DAY 64 (A confession..)

I have come blank to this NEW POST section today. Don't have a clue of what to scribble ahead. So now...I make a confession today.


Since my birth....I have been more around my paternal grandmother (Dadi..) than my own parents. She understood my needs....knows me inside out. And thats how I and my Uncle (Chacha...) are such good buddies. But for my maternal side....I was never ever bothered. Thats because simply neither did we visit them often nor was there any attachment from my side henceforth. Whenever we cared to visit...it used to be some mandatory-to-visit ocassions like RAKSHABANDHAN, BHAI-DOOJ etc. And to cope up with the time period I used to prefer my Aunt's (Maami's) and her daughter's (Akansha..this is a different Akansha..) company. They were the best to talk to. My grandparents (Naana and Naani) have always loved me from the core of my heart. Whenever I visited them...they had something new to gift me. Sometimes...it was the best sweets of the town...some times the yummy chooran ki goli, sometimes Naana ji's new poem (he is an excellent hindi poet and a doctor) and sometimes cash to buy whatever I want. They always gave me a warm bear hug and squeezed me in between them the whole time I am there. They would talk endlessly about every new thing they could. My Naani ji couldn't speak altogether for long...but for me...she always managed. But I....I have been a total Shit..! Never did I bother...to care about them..to take interest in them or sit and spend time with them. Moreover...when my mom used to ask me to recite some of my latest poems to them..I used to make faces and shrug it away. But then being scolded by Dad..I used to spill out a line or two...and Naanaji used to take out a Rs. 500/- note right away...and handed it to me out of happiness. Naniji...used to kiss me on the forehead a thousand times...and I didn't ever give a damn. Thats the kind of Shit..I have been.

And then one day...I found mom to just hurrying up to go to Nani's place. I asked her what happened...she didn't tell me and just rushed out of the house. I was in class 9th then. I was just furious...at Mom's reaction...not because I bothered or anything...but because I felt rejected. It was all about myself then. I got more furious by the evening because she wasn't home back yet and I was hungry. She was supposed to make me something to eat...right? And then....my Dadi called me up saying..."beta ..tum teeno ko abhi phuphaji lene aayenge...aur tum log bua ke ghar ruk jana." What the hell? Why? I was really infuriated. But I said nothing. I thought I would deal with Mom in person. Then as we went to Bua's place...she took me outside in the balcony and told me that Naniji is no more. I was broken...really reaaallllyyy broken. I didn't have words to say. All I did was crying...till the morning. With swollen eyes and heavy heart...I asked God to bless her soul in the morning. I was feeling disgusted for myself. I could remember all the things that she did for me in the past. I never even bothered to keep them with me. I just dumped them at different places. 


That was the year...when I grew up. Many things just changed right after then and I managed well. My and my sisters' school changed...my mom picked up a job and our house was under construction. I took the responsibilty of me and my sisters. And I did pass through.


But..that shade of mine..couldn't be passed just by the excuse of being naive or immature. I have done a sin. And I confess it.


I really wish that God bless my Naani always. Even today...I do not visit Naanaji that often either. But I never stop my Mom atleast. But I just wish....if I could be a better person then...................